Divorce
by Willows1327
Summary: This is an AU which takes place after Keita begs Kotoko to leave Irie. This story revolves around Kotoko's struggle to accept that her marriage may not be the fairytale she thought it was and Irie's struggle to accept his own feelings. Can Kotoko and Irie save their marriage? Or will Keita ultimately convince Kotoko to go through with the divorce?
1. Chapter 1

_AU: (Takes place after Keita begs Kotoko to leave Irie)_

"What are you talking about Keita? I'm a married woman!" Kotoko exclaims.

"Kotoko I-

"See you tomorrow!"

Kotoko can't believe what had just happened. Leave Irie? She had loved him for so many years and she finally has everything she's ever wanted! Right? Exhausted and out of breath, Kototoko can still feel her heart pounding in her chest. Maybe Keita has a point. She loves Irie more than anything in the world. She'd do anything for him but does he feel the same? Has she unknowingly been in this cycle of one-sided love since they've been married?

"You're home early."

Slightly shaken, Kotoko looks up to see her husband.

"Irie-kun!"

As usual, he gives little response and simply walks away from her. That night, neither couple got very much sleep. Both struggling with doubts and painful emotions. Irie couldn't understand why he's been treating Kotoko the way that he had. Ever since that Keita guy showed up, Irie couldn't stop this strange new emotion clawing its way out of him. Is this what true hatred felt like? He simply didn't understand…

Morning came all too slowly and Kotoko was excited to be at the hospital to distract herself from the chaos that is her marriage. However, running away from one problem only lead to another. How was she supposed to deal with Keita knowing how he felt about her? As the day went on, avoiding Keita became more and more awkward and surprisingly lonely. After all, he was the only one who believed in her when no one else did. Including her own husband.

"Kotoko. We need to talk." Keita exclaimed.

"Keita! I'm so sorry. I am very busy. I need to get home or mother could get worried."

"What about your husband?"

"Huh?"

"Every time you need to leave you say your mother-in-law will be worried. What about your husband? Do you even know where he is?"

Every time Kotoko was around Keita, it felt as though someone had just stabbed her in the heart. What hurt the most was the fact that it was the brutal truth of her situation. Keita was all too quick to remind her that her whole world was crumbling around her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

"Keita… I have to go."

"No, you don't. Kotoko, I meant everything I said last night. Call me crazy but I'm almost certain there's something between us. If you are truly happy in your situation, I'll never speak of your marriage again. If not… maybe my suggestion isn't as crazy as it seems. Just think about it, okay?" And with that he was gone.

As Kotoko walked home, she reflected on exactly what her life had become. How did she end up in a love triangle with her husband and a charmingly sweet nurse? Did she… like Keita? Answering the question was far from simple. He's a wonderful person and everything her husband isn't. He's encouraging, kind, and full of passion for what he does. However, Kotoko knew that she could never begin an affair. It's not who she was and she could never forgive herself if she were to let her marriage fall apart because of another man. In this moment Kotoko was filled with motivation and was ready to do everything she could to bring her marriage back together. She decided to head straight to Irie' room.

"Irie-kun! Do you have a second?"

There sat her diligent husband hard at work, studying for upcoming exams.

"Sure. What is it?"

"Well, I've been thinking… would you like to spend some time together this weekend? We could go back to Romance Village, or go rowing, or even just take a peaceful walk to-"

"Can't. I have a lot of review to go over for my upcoming exams. Is that all?"

In that moment, the pain and rejection was too much for Kotoko to bear. She was sick of being disappointed, sick of seeming like the only one in love in her mess of a marriage. Suddenly every painful memory hit her like a ton of bricks. The day he had rejected her, when he berated her for being stupid while helping her study, the day he disregarded her after their first kiss, the day he broke her heart by bringing Chris home, the day he constantly dismissed her efforts with becoming a nurse…

"ENOUGH!"

Kotoko was suddenly filled with rage; throwing everything she could possibly find at her husband.

"Kotoko! What are you doing? Stop." He exclaimed as he was finally able to take ahold of her wrists.

"I can't take this anymore! I hate that you ignore me every day! I'm so sick of feeling rejected and unwanted! Our marriage has been doomed from the start! Keita was right! You don't even love me!"

A sudden smack across her face stopped her angry tantrum.

"Stop. You need to calm down."

"I want a divorce."

Kotoko's voice was cold and filled with unwavering conviction. Naoki couldn't hide the shock on his face.

"What?"

"I don't love you anymore.

"You don't mean that."

"No, I do. Irie, I have loved you for so long but I'm done waiting for a love that isn't there! Keita has been right all along! I've had enough!" And with that she was gone.

Naoki just stood there, completely stunned. A divorce? Did she know how lucky she was to be with him? Out of all the girls who had thrown themselves at him, he chose her didn't he? Although he chose to hide behind selfish and superficial thoughts, Naoki knew deep down that he couldn't blame Kotoko for wanting to leave. But she couldn't leave. It's Kotoko. She's still that sweet, wide-eyed girl who only had eyes for him right? All he could do was wait for her to come back to him. She'll come around. Eventually…


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Notes:**

 **Hello, all! I've always wanted to find the time to right my very own fanfiction. I've admired the work of so many people on the site and I am so excited to start my very own. Since this is my very first story, please bear with me. Any suggestions or comments would be insanely helpful. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 2

Kotoko had no clue where to go. She could go to Tomoko's house but she didn't want to be a bother to her. She had very few options and way too much pride to go back home. She refused to give Irie the satisfaction of knowing that she needed him. So she decided to visit visit the one person she knew would be happy to see her.

"Kotoko! What are you doing here?" Keita was pleasantly surprised to see Kotoko until he saw the expression on her face.

"I really just came for a visit." Kotoko couldn't help but burst into tears right then and there.

"Awe, Kotoko. It's going to be okay. Come inside."

That night, Kotoko felt happier and safer than she had felt in a long time. Keita held her as she cried herself to sleep.

( _Back at the Irie's household)_

Mrs. Irie was hard at work attempting to locate Kotoko. She had called Tomoko, Marina, and Motoki but none of them had seen her. However, they did recommend contacting a man by the name of Keita. That didn't sound anything like Kotoko. Is it possible that she's run off with another man? It was time to get to the bottom of this.

"Hello?"

"Hello. This is Mrs. Irie. I'm trying to get ahold of Kotoko. Have you seen her?"

"Um… yes actually. She came over about an hour ago. She seemed really upset, so I decided to let her stay the night."

"Oh…" Mrs. Irie was in complete shock. Why would Kotoko need the support of another man? She has worked way too hard to get her grump of a son and sweet Kotoko together. There was no way this Keita boy was going to get in the way of it now.

"Okay. Thank you for your time. Goodbye, then." Mrs. Irie hangs up and marches right to her son's room.

"NAOKI! What is this about Kotoko sleeping over at some young man's house?"

"What?"

"Now you listen here, son. I know you've been in quite a mood recently and I understand it is difficult for you to show your emotions. But you are NOT GOING TO RUIN THIS MARRIAGE I WORKED SO HARD FOR!"

Irie was terrified and beyond confused. Kotoko in some other man's home? He had been doing his best up to this point not to let that Keita guy get to him but he couldn't hide the devastation he was actually feeling inside. All of these strange new feelings were coming way too fast and the truth was he just felt lost.

"With another man?"

Irie's mother knew something wasn't right with her son.

"Um… well yes. A boy named Keita. I had been looking for her everywhere and called his number. He said she came over very upset. Naoki, what exactly is going on?" Irie could see the concerned expression on his mother's face. He's been bottling in these feelings for so long. What's the harm in finally telling the truth?

"Mother, ever since Keita came into Kotoko's life, my mood has continuously gotten worse. You should see just how close they've gotten to each other. He helps her and encourages her through everything at the hospital. And then he has the audacity to berate me for not being a good husband. The other day she fainted during an exercise at the hospital and I caught him trying to kiss her. I can't explain it. Every time I see him, I just want to punch a hole through a wall. And seeing Kotoko only leaves me feeling frustrated."

Mrs. Irie couldn't believe what she was hearing. Her cold-hearted son had actually felt true emotion, maybe even for the first time. Still, she understood how painful jealousy and heartbreak could be.

"Naoki, sweetheart. It's just jealousy."

"Jealous? That's ridiculous. I don't get jealous."

"Now you listen here, Naoki. I know this must feel very confusing but jealousy is very normal in a relationship. You're jealous because Keita is fulfilling certain needs for Kotoko that you can't. You hate the fact that Kotoko is growing such a close bond with him because deep down you're afraid that she might leave you."

Irie couldn't believe what he was hearing. Jealousy? What a childish emotion. But everything his mother was saying made sense. Maybe it was time to accept the very real possibility that Kotoko was slipping away from him.

"Mother… maybe you're right. I don't know what to do. I feel so lost. Earlier we had an argument and told me she doesn't love me anymore and asked for a divorce. What am I supposed to do?"

Mrs. Irie sat there in silence watching her son with his head in his hands, going through an emotion she never even thought he was capable of having. He truly did love Kotoko. But what could she really do? She loved her son but couldn't deny who he was. He was cold and logical and capable of being quite cruel. Maybe Kotoko is meant for this other man. If she was, she knew her son would have to let her go.

"Naoki, I know you love her. I don't know how Kotoko is feeling or if she truly meant what she said earlier today but I do know that for five long years she's been waiting for you to show her that you truly love her. Maybe you just need to remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place. Just think it over. You'll feel better in the morning. Goodnight, my son."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Kotoko slowly opened her eyes to an unfamiliar apartment. Looking around, she knew she was completely alone. Flashbacks from the previous night had her feeling embarrassed, angry, and sad all at once. Still, it was very sweet of Keita to let her stay the night. She couldn't help but blush thinking of the way he had held her and whispered in her ear the previous night. She could never even dream of Irie holding her that way. He was too cold and heartless for any kind of real intimacy.

"Good morning."

Startled, Kotoko looked up to see Keita with a bag of food and tea in both hands. She had been so lost in thought, she hadn't heard him come in.

"Oh, Keita! Good morning."

"Sorry I startled you. You were sleeping so peacefully, I didn't want to wake you. I figured you'd be hungry when you woke up, so I grabbed us some breakfast."

Kotoko examined the food and saw that he had brought an entire banquet for the both of them. There were eggs, bacon, pancakes, crepes, and delicious looking deserts everywhere.

"Yeah. Um… I didn't know what you like so I went a little crazy." He turned away with a slight blush on his cheeks."

"Wow, Keita. Thank you. That's so sweet."

They sat down and ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes until Keita decided to get straight to the point.

"So how are you feeling?"

"Um, okay I guess. Thank you for last night. I really needed someone and I knew you'd be there for me."

"What happened?"

"Irie and I got into a little argument. I really don't want to talk about it right now, Keita." Surprisingly, Keita respected her wishes. For awhile he allowed her to revert the conversation to him. They spoke of his childhood, his hobbies, and his dreams for the future. Kotoko admired Keita's passion for nursing. She truly believed in him just as much as he believed in her.

"Nursing means the world to me. There's nothing like helping people in need. It's the greatest feeling in the world!" All Kotoko could do was sit there and listen with intensity and a light sparkle in her eyes. Somewhere deep within, she knew she was falling for the handsome nurse. It was amazing and terrifying at the same time.

"Wow, Keita. I'm so happy that you've found your true passion in life. You're so genuine and kind."

Keita couldn't help but blush. She really was beautiful inside and out. Deep down, Keita knew he had been falling for her since the second they met. She was so lively and full of ambition; a little bit of a ditz but he found it charming all the same.

"You know, you can stay here as long as you like. You don't ever have to feel alone or feel like you have to go back to anything you don't want to go back to."

Kotoko knew what Keita wanted. He wanted her to say she was ready to divorce Irie but she knew she wasn't anywhere near ready to make that decision yet. She was more confused than ever on her marriage and she knew she needed time apart from her neglectful husband. However, she also knew she couldn't lead Keita on when she doesn't fully understand her feelings for him either.

"Keita, you have been absolutely wonderful. But you need to know that I'm not ready to file for divorce. I care about you so much and I'd be lying if I said I didn't have any feelings for you. I need some time to figure things out on my own. When the time comes for me to make my decision, I promise you'll be the first to know the answer, okay?"

Keita couldn't help but feel slightly rejected but understood she couldn't stop loving her husband overnight. He'll bide his time and wait for her to come to her senses. She'll come around. Eventually…

 _(Back at the Irie's house)_

Irie woke up feeling… absolutely awful. He tossed and turned all night wondering about Kotoko. Where she was, what she was doing, and of course only the worst images came to mind. The irrational side of Irie was furious Kotoko had even left in the first place. Who the hell does she thing she is? Leaving him in the middle of the night to go to some other's man's home. It was enough to make him sick. The rational side knew she had every right to leave after the complete ass he'd made out of himself the past couple of days. He was a sorry excuse of a husband and everybody knew it. He needed to calm down and keep his cool. Maybe a separation would be good for them. After all, she made it very clear she was unhappy. Maybe this was all for the best.

 _(Suddenly there was a knock downstairs)_

It was way too early in the morning for visitors. Who could it be? He silently waited for his mother to answer the door.

"KOTOKO!"

 **Author's Note:**

 **DA DA DUM! Sorry for the cliffhanger. I'm full of inspiration right now, so I'll be sure to upload as much as I can. Thanks for the supportive words! You guys rock! 3**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 _(Back at the Irie's household)_

"KOTOKO! You're back! Oh, I've been so worried about you, my sweet daughter Kotoko! You've come back to us then? Oh, Naoki will just be so happy you're back home and-"

"Mother, Mother! Please calm down! I know you're excited but… I'm not coming home."

"But… Kotoko…"

"So, you're back."

Startled, the two looked up to see Irie standing by the stairs. Kotoko almost didn't recognize the man in front of her. Although his cool and collected expression was ever present, he looked awful. Irie never looked so disheveled in the morning. His hair was messy and uncombed, bags underneath his eyes, and his pajamas looked as if he hadn't ironed them the night before.

"Um, no. Not exactly. I've come for my things. I'm moving out for a little while."

"Oh, really? Are you going to run into the arms of every man in Tokyo until you have nowhere else to go?"

Now that really struck a nerve.

"Oh, how DARE you? Is that honestly what you think of me? After all we've been through together, you think that I would sleep with anyone that comes my way?"

"Well, the second there's a little trouble in your marriage, you run off to the only other man you know. What am I supposed to think?"

"A LITTLE TROUBLE!? Have you lost your mind? Irie, our marriage has been in trouble since the day we said our vows."

"Children, children please! Let's not get all worked up over-"

"Well if that's how you really feel maybe we should get a divorce."

"NAOKI! How could you say such a thing?"

"No, Mother. That's exactly what I was hoping he'd say. Irie, we both know our marriage is in trouble. Despite you're disgusting accusations of my character, nothing happened between Keita and I. However, I won't say nothing ever will. He's a wonderful man and has been more supportive towards my dreams and ambitions than you will ever be. I've made the decision to get my own apartment. I need some time apart while I decide on whether or not this marriage is even worth saving."

All Irie could do was stand there in shock. Kotoko has never once stood up to him before. She never knew how to respond to his condescending words and often ran away to cry herself out before coming back. She was stronger and more independent than ever. It shook him to his very core.

"Kotoko… please don't do this. Your father will be so worried about you."

"I understand, mother. I'm sorry but this is something I have to do. I'm going upstairs to pack my things and I'm leaving." She then walked away without another word.

"Well that's just wonderful, Naoki. How could you speak to your own wife that way? Do you honestly expect to save this marriage by insulting her more than you already have?"

"Let her go. She'll come around as soon as she realizes this whole independence thing won't work out. She can't do a thing on her own, after all."

"Wow, as brilliant as you are, you really are an idiot. You've gone too far, Naoki. You'd be a fool to believe Kotoko won't eventually grow tired of the way you treat her. I've wanted you two together for so long but maybe I was rooting for her to end up with the wrong man. I'm very disappointed in you, Naoki." She then turned to go speak to her sweet daughter-in-law. And Irie could only stand there alone, contemplating the mistake he had just made.

 _(Back in Kotoko's room)_

"Kotoko, may I have a word?"

"Oh, Mother! I'm not sure that's such a great idea. You can't change my mind."

"I'm not here to change your mind. I've pushed you and my son together long enough. I'm here for you. I'm sure you've been so confused these past few days. There are so many people who love you, Kotoko. Me being one of them. Would you like to talk about it?"

It was then that Kotoko could no longer hold in her composure. She fell into Mother's arms and cried until she was able to speak in complete sentences.

"Oh, Mother! You have no idea the pain I've been going through. Ever since I met Keita, I've come to realize more and more that Irie simply doesn't love me. I don't understand why he married me in the first place. Why is it that I was the only one who believed we'd someday be together? Is it because I'm just really that stupid? My own friends told me I was a fool for loving him!"

Mrs. Irie sat there in silence listening to her daughter spill out all the pain and the heartbreak her own son had put her through. She couldn't help but feel partially responsible for the sweet girls' misery. After all, she never stopped believing her son would come around and agree to marry her. Maybe this marriage was never meant to be.

"Kotoko, sweetheart. I am so sorry for what my son has put you through. And I'm sorry all I've done so far is encourage his behavior. You are a strong, independent woman. And you can do whatever your heart desires. I would love to see this marriage flourish but I understand now that may not be an option. You've loved my son for so many years and whether he'd like to admit it or not, you've changed him so much. You've awakened emotions deep within him I never knew existed. But if this other man treats you with the respect and love you deserve, I could never stop such a thing."

Kotoko contemplated her mother-in-law's words. She was so confused about her own feelings. Did she have it in her to divorce Irie? The only man she had ever loved, the man she swore she'd never stop loving until the day she died. Maybe that vow was true. Maybe she'd never stop loving him but that didn't mean she had to put up with his cruelty forever. Kotoko left with all her belongings, never once glancing in her strained husband's direction. She got into Keita's vehicle and never looked back.

 **Author's Note:**

 **Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I'm going to be very busy, as I'm sure all of you are as well. I'm not 100% sure where this story is going. I have a few ideas in mind and I'm debating changing the rating to an M for cursing, sex scenes, and maybe a drunk Irie scene. If I hate the idea, that all might change. But hey! It's all part of the process! Another thank you for all the encouragement. Enjoy!**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Days turned into weeks as Kotoko had grown accustomed to her new home. Being a full-time medical student, she couldn't afford anything fancy. It was a tiny apartment in a somewhat decent part of town. It was a far cry from the Irie's household but Kotoko absolutely loved it. It was the first place she could completely call her own. Keita was sure to message her daily to make sure she was safe.

 _(Current Messages)_

 _Keita: It's not too late to change your mind you know. My door's always open._

 _Kotoko: Lol I don't think so. I bet you've already had me replaced by now._

 _Keita: Replace you? Never. I have to walk from the living room to my bedroom-alone. From the kitchen to the living room-alone. I even have to get up and change the channel-alone. Who am I supposed to eat my banquets with every morning?_

 _Kotoko: Oh, stop it! You're breaking my heart!_

 _Keita: Lol so what are your plans for tomorrow?_

 _Kotoko: Go to the hospital, come home, and maybe eat cake-alone lol_

 _Keita: That's seriously all you have planned for your 21_ _st_ _birthday? Let me take you out._

 _Kotoko: You sure you're not just trying to take advantage of me with drinks? :p_

 _Keita: Neh, when you finally admit your love to me you'll be willing. :p_

 _Kotoko: Fine, one drink._

 _Keita: It's a date._

Kotoko couldn't help but blush. Over these past few weeks Keita had become much more open with his little crush on her. She hadn't heard from Irie since she left and it was difficult seeing him at the hospital. A few days earlier, she had done the unthinkable and decided to take off her wedding ring. It just didn't seem necessary to keep it on during their separation. The hospital had become wild with rumors, each one more ridiculous than the last. Most people believed it was Irie who had kicked Kotoko out of the house. Apparently he abandoned their marriage to be with another woman who "better suited his status." Others believed Irie left her because of "complications in the bedroom." Kotoko took none of these rumors personally; after all the truth is never as exciting as a far-fetched rumor. She allowed everyone to believe what they wanted without a second thought about it. She wasn't particularly excited for her 21st birthday but deep down she was hoping make Irie would reach out, maybe even apologize…

The next morning passed quickly enough. Not only did Irie refuse to speak to her, he flat out avoided her throughout the day. Whenever she entered a room, he made sure to find the closest exit. It was insulting and even a little embarrassing, his childish behavior wasn't exactly helping the rumor situation.

"Hey! We still going out tonight?"

"Oh, Keita. Um… I don't think so. I'm not really in the mood today. Maybe another time."

"Are you seriously going to let him ruin your night? Come on, you promised one drink. If you're not having a good time, I promise we'll leave."

Kotoko was in no mood to get drunk on her birthday but it's not like she couldn't use the company. Keita always knew how to boost her spirits.

"Okay. ONE drink. I mean it."

 _(Later that night at the bar)_

"KEEP EM COMIN!" One shot become two, two shots became four, and four shots became Keita carrying Kotoko out of the bar.

"Ya'know Keita, I like you. You're just soooo _cute_! Looks at that handsome face! Smoooosh smoosh smoosh!" Kotoko proceeded to grab at Keita's face all the way to her apartment door. Luckily, Keita was finally able to get her inside without falling over.

"KEITA! You'll stay right?"

"Kotoko, I can't stay. You know we have to practice blood draws at the hospital tomorrow. I need to get some rest."

"Wait! Ya can't go, you gotta get me into bed! Oooooh Keita's gonna get me into bed." Kotoko proceeded to giggle and laugh and pull Keita's towards the bed. One thing led to another and playful antics turned into a full on make-out session but as Kotoko became more aggressive, Keita became more uncomfortable.

"Kotoko, I'm sorry. I can't."

"Come oooon, just one time. I promise I won't tell."

As tempting as the offer was, Keita knew he couldn't do it. Kotoko meant more to him than anything in the world. When they did make love for the first time, he wanted her to be sober and sure of what she wanted. If they made love now, there was no telling how she would actually feel in the morning. Sitting at the foot of her bed, knowing she most likely wouldn't remember anything in the morning he decided to say what he's wanted to say since the day they met.

"Kotoko, I love you."

Kotoko looked at him in complete shock. Before she could fully register what he had just said, she threw up all over the front of his shirt.

"I'm so sorry."

Keita couldn't fully hide the disgust on his face but quickly forgave her. So much for having a romantic moment. He knew he couldn't leave her side in this state. He decided to stay until early the next morning, holding her hair back when she needed the toilet and offering her water throughout the night. At around five a.m he made sure she was comfortable and to shut off the alarm on her phone. Keita was relieved they didn't have any exams or papers due that day. She needed to rest. What he didn't know was that someone would be waiting for him when he got home. Someone who had a hard time holding his liquor as well…

 **Author's Notes:**

 **Hi, everyone! Found some time to write another chapter out. This chapter was really experimental for me. Not entirely sure how I feel about it. So be sure to leave a review and let me know what you think. Hope you enjoyed it!**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Keita's drive home was incredibly exhausting. Leave it to him to take a thirty-minute drive home on a day he'd been up nearly twenty-four hours. When he finally pulled into his drive way, he noticed a tall dark figure throwing various rocks and pebbles at his window. As he left his vehicle to get a closer look, he knew exactly who it was.

"Naoki? Are you out of your fucking mind? What are you doing?"

Irie slowly turned to face the man who had destroyed his marriage. He didn't know what else to say except, "I need to get her back." He then passed out on the ground without any indication of picking himself back up.

Keita stood there for a few moments, watching his rival lay face down on the cold cement floor. He knew he had only three options; leave him there to freeze, call the police and have him escorted off the property, or carry him into the house. While the first two sounded satisfying and tempting, he knew his kind nature and love for Kotoko wouldn't allow it. Begrudgingly, he carried the drunk top boy into his own home.

Irie slowly came in and out of consciousness asking Keita questions like, "Are you fucking my wife?" and "Why did Kotoko leave me?" Even though he despised him, Keita felt some sympathy for Irie. Going through a divorce probably wasn't easy for anyone, even for someone as cold as him.

As Keita laid him onto his couch Irie grabbed him by the wrist and once again asked, "Keita haaave you been fucking my wife? I gotta know."

Deciding to take pity on him Keita replied, "No, Irie. I'm not."

"Fuck you."

"I just told you I'm not. That doesn't make you feel a little better?"

"Not in the slightest. Ya want to anyway."

Keita didn't know how to respond. He wanted to say it was a lie, that he hadn't just spent these past few months flirting with another man's wife. But he knew he couldn't deny how strong his feelings had become.

"Get some sleep, Irie."

 _(Later that day)_

Irie slowly awoke in a very unfamiliar apartment. His head was pounding against his skull as he struggled to remember the events that took place only a few hours before. He had been at the hospital all day, he had seen Kotoko with Keita once again and decided to avoid her on her special day, he went home, he decided to go out for a drink to forget about his broken marriage, then he walked to Keita's home to… get Kotoko back.

"Oh, God. What did I do?" Shame filled Irie as he held his head in his hands.

"Great, you're awake."

"Keita?"

"Here. These will help with the pain." Keita held out Tylenol and a class of water. Irie took them both with great reluctance. Why was this guy being so kind to him?

"Not that I don't love opening up my home to assholes, but you need to get out of my house." Well, kindness didn't last very long.

Irie took a quick scan of the apartment, "Where's Kotoko?"

"Not here. Not that it's any of your business."

"Keita, look. I know that you've been trying to get my wife to leave me for quite some time now. I'll never understand men like you. Men you think it's fun to ruin someone else's happy marriage so they can satisfy some sick pleasure."

"Happy marriage? Is that supposed to be a joke?"

"You don't know anything about my marriage. Ever since Kotoko left, I don't even know who I am. I can't eat, I can't sleep, and I can't focus on my studies. She's the only person who's ever understood me and loved me for exactly who I am. I need her, Keita. I need her more than you ever could. You need to step aside so I can fix my marriage."

Keita stood there, surprisingly moved my Irie's words. Though he hated to admit it, Irie probably did love Kotoko in his own cold way. But Keita knew his feelings fell much deeper than a simple crush. He wasn't ready to let go of Kotoko. He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready.

"You have my intentions all wrong, Irie. I don't enjoy bringing you pain, no matter how much of an asshole you are. I'm in love with your wife. It was never my intention to break up a marriage but if there's any chance for us to be together in the future, I'm going to take it. I can't step aside knowing the misery you'll put her through again. I don't think you'll ever be capable of making her happy. I understand your hatred towards me, but I think you need to start accepting the fact that maybe your marriage was broken well before Kotoko ever met me. I'm sorry, Irie."

Irie sat there in stunned silence. He never knew Keita personally and had only heard rumors of his kindness and honesty. He wanted nothing more than to kill this man right here and now but knew that Keita had done nothing but treat him with the utmost respect. Keita was constantly looking out for others, even the people he despised. It was easier for Irie to believe Keita was just a pathetic womanizer. Knowing he was a decent man only made it more painful to accept that Kotoko leaving was all his fault. If he hadn't allowed his jealousy to consume him as much as it did, Kotoko wouldn't be questioning their marriage. There was nothing left to do but leave. Before walking off of Keita's front porch Irie turned and made one last attempt to get Keita to step aside.

"Keita, I'm miserable without her."

"Well, maybe she was miserable with you." With that Keita shut the door, leaving Irie alone once again.

 **Author's Notes:**

 **Ouch, truth hurts don't it Irie? Thanks to your supportive words, I've decided to continue on with the storyline the way it is. I'm having so much fun trying out new ideas and diving into these characters and I hope you guys are too. Some of you have been wondering who Kotoko will choose in the end and frankly so have I. But fear not! I don't plan on rushing Kotoko's decision and I'm sure you won't be disappointed with the outcome. Be sure to leave to leave a review for any suggestions, comments, or concerns. Hope you enjoyed!**


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Kotoko was never much of a drinker. She slowly sat herself up on her bed with a pulsing migraine. Glancing at the clock she realized she had slept through the day, missing her blood draw practice. She was wondering if Keita had stayed the night when she noticed a note, Tylenol, and a tall class of water sitting on top of her nightstand.

 _(Morning, lightweight. I decided to head home around 5 last night to get some rest before practice. I knew you probably wouldn't have the strength to get up anyway so I took the liberty of turning off your alarm. Shoot me a text when you wake up-Keita)_

What a sweetheart. Why couldn't Irie be as considerate as Keita? Just then she remembered the reason for her foul mood and over-zealous drinking the night before. No message, no call, not even a glance in her direction on her 21st birthday. Kotoko was devasted. She knew her marriage was in trouble but that day had been special. She was starting to wonder if she would ever speak to her husband again.

Suddenly her phone began to ring:

"Hello?"

"Morning, lightweight. Well… afternoon."

"Oh, Keita! It's you…"

"Well yeah. Who else would I be?"

"No one. I'm sorry. I'm just lost in thought. My head feels like I've just been in a train wreck."

"Speaking of train wrecks, your charming husband came for a little visit when I got home this morning."

"Irie was there? What happened? Did he mention me?"

"Geez, don't sound so excited."

"Sorry, I've just been thinking about him a lot. He didn't try to hurt you, did he?"

"Neh, he wouldn't be able to handle me." Kotoko chuckled. She actually didn't know who would win between Keita and Irie. Keita was strong but Irie had an advantage in height.

"What happened?"

"He just stayed over for a while. He passed out and I brought him inside until he woke up."

"Oh, that was sweet of you. Anything else?"

Keita decided not to share the rest of the details. He didn't want to upset or confuse her anymore than she already was.

"No, he just left."

"Oh." Kotoko couldn't help but feel slightly disappointed. That's it? Irie must've had some deeper reason for being there.

"Want me to come over? You seem upset."

"No! No, you don't have to. I'm just feeling a little out of sorts today. I'll get over it."

"I'll be there in 10 minutes." Without giving her time to respond, he hung up. Kotoko let out an exasperated sigh. Keita was sweet but he could be a little intrusive at times. Oh, well. It's not like she couldn't use the company.

Keita was true to his word, arriving in 10 minutes with his usual banquet in his hands. He made sure to give Kotoko a call first.

"Hey, I'm here."

"I'm coming. Can you do me a huge favor and check the mail for me?"

"Yeah, no problem."

Keita opened up the mailbox overflowing with envelopes. Bills, coupons, magazines, and… a letter? Keita inspected the simple white envelope, noticing the address came from none other than the Irie household. Ignoring his better judgement, he opened it. Even Keita had to admit the letter was flawless, filled with declarations of love, promises, and hopes for the future. In that moment, Keita had to make a choice. A choice that could possibly decide the fate of a marriage and a relationship he so desperately wanted. He slipped the letter into his back pocket and walked into Kotoko's home.

"Hey, Keita! Did I get anything interesting? Awe, look at that. You brought me my favorite! You're a life saver." Kotoko took the bags of food out of his hands and took them into the kitchen to unload the various sweets.

"No. No, not really." Was he really doing this? Could he really do this? Slowly, Keita took the envelope out of his back pocket.

"Um, Kotoko?"

"Yeah?"

Keita stared at Kotoko for a few moments, just admiring her. She was exquisite even with her back turned. And for a split moment, he could see what their future might look like. He wanted to love Kotoko for the rest of his life. He wanted spoil her, show her the kind of love Irie wasn't capable of giving her. He then crumpled the letter into a ball and put it inside the pocket of his jacket.

"Nothing. I'm just so excited to eat with you."

Kotoko placed the food onto the dining room table. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Never better."

Keita had convinced Kotoko to allow him to stay the night. They ate, laughed, watched, television, and had decided to pop open a tall glass of wine on the couch.

"You sure this is such a good idea?" Kotoko let out an airy laugh on her third glass.

"Awe, come on. Have a little fun. Last glass, I promise. Besides, it's going to be a pain in the ass going back to work tomorrow."

Kotoko had nearly forgotten they had missed a day at the hospital. She'd been so preoccupied with thinking of Irie and distracting herself with Keita, she forgot all about her painful reality.

"Wow, I can't believe we're going back. Makes me think you and I should run away together, Keita. We'll start a WHOLE new life and forget this marriage ever happened."

Keita had dreamed of Kotoko saying that for months but knew it was only the wine. She wasn't ready and he knew he'd wait as long as it took for her to finally mean the things she said when she was intoxicated.

"Yeah, we will someday."

Both filled up on wine and delusions of grandeur, the space between them grew smaller and smaller.

"Keita… will you hold me for a little while? I like it when you touch me."

Keita couldn't help but blush. Usually this was the time to stop things before they had gone to far. But he knew the wine had been a bit too much for him as well. This gave Keita the extra courage to take things a step further. They laid on the couch with Keita holding Kotoko from behind. He gave her what he knew she wanted in the moment. The hot kisses, the whispers of adoration and affection, the roaming hands…

"Keita… I want more."

Now this couldn't possibly go a step further right? Going another step would could only cause chaos and confusion. Keita knew that if he did this, there was no going back for either of them. He could no longer justify his actions. He wouldn't be just a trusted friend anymore, that would be over. But watching Kotoko laying there, submissive, ready, willing… he knew he couldn't wait anymore. The moment she reached out and pulled Keita down for the kiss was the point of no return for Keita. Maye it was time to start taking what he wanted instead of waiting for the inevitable end of Kotoko's marriage. It was really just a formality to Keita at this point. Kotoko never had to know about the letter and this would be the beginning of a love story they may be able to tell their children about one day.

The sex seemed to last for hours. He brought her to orgasm one, two, three times throughout the night. When it was over, Keita stared at her for hours. It was over, he knew it was the end of something. This night would be something he came to regret or a night he'd look back on with pride. He fell asleep soon after. Neither Kotoko or Keita realized the heartbreak and pain they would have to face in the morning…

 **Author's Notes:**

 **Okay, so please don't hate me too much! I was originally planning on having the sex scene between Keita and Kotoko for the next chapter but I realized that the 9** **th** **chapter wouldn't be nearly as dramatic without these two events happening together. It was always my intention to throw this scene in, to build suspense and to bring more meaning into Kotoko's final decision. Don't worry Kotoko/Irie shippers! There is much more to come.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8: Facing Consequences

Kotoko and Keita woke up to the sound of a blaring alarm. Kotoko was stunned by the sudden noise but she felt exceptionally comfortable and warm. She hadn't drunk enough the night before to have a migraine. Flashes of the night before came flooding back to her. Her and Keita had…

"Oh, no…"

"Morning, beautiful." Startled, Kotoko sat up to see Keita standing in the kitchen with two cups of coffee. He walked over to her, handed her a cup, and gave her a kiss on the check.

"Keita… last night you and I… did we?"

"Yeah, it was amazing wasn't it?"

Embarrassed and filled with shame and guilt, Kotoko placed her face in her hands, "Oh, God. What have I done?"

"Hey, Kotoko. It's okay. I had a great time, it was a good thing. Wasn't it?"

"Keita! I'm married! Don't you understand? What is Irie going to do, what is he going to say when I tell him-"

"Woah, woah woah! Hang on a sec. Who ever said anything about telling him?"

"Keita, he's my husband. I have to tell him eventually."

"Only if you don't get a divorce."

"Keita, enough. Last night was a mistake. You and I never should have done this. For God's sakes, I haven't even started the process of filing for papers! Oh, God. What did I just do?"

Keita sat beside her on the couch stunned. He knew she might feel a little shocked in the morning but he never expected her to call it a mistake.

"Let's just forget this ever happened, okay?"

Now that was felt like a stab to the heart.

"Yeah… sure. Whatever you say Kotoko."

Kotoko and Keita got ready for their day in awkward silence. Keita had felt the automatic shift in their relationship and he found himself dreading going to the hospital. How the hell was this day going to play out. It's so early in the morning and I already know it can't get any worse… can it?

 _(Back at the Irie's household)_

Irie was a man of few words. He knew that winning his wife back wouldn't be easy and he knew confronting her probably wouldn't work. So the letter felt like the best option at the time. As soon s he returned home from Keita's apartment, he decided it was time to make some real steps toward getting Kotoko to forgive him. He couldn't just sit back and let Keita have her. She was his wife and he needed her.

He'd spent hours writing that letter. There must've been at least seven different drafts before the end of it. He needed it to be perfect. Some drafts sounded too aggressive and angry and others sounded pathetic or needy. Finally when he had finished his masterpiece, he knew there was only one problem… he didn't even know where Kotoko lived. Mother was the only person he knew that had the correct address. After about an hour of begging and pleading, she gave him the city and zip code. He knew she wouldn't make it easy on him. Luckily he knew his bus routes and he had a great sense of direction. He felt like a peeping Tom, trying to look into each house to find Kotoko. He knew he couldn't kock, he needed it to be a surprise. Finally at the very last house, he found her. He peered into the window to see her sleeping soundly in the middle of the afternoon.

After putting the letter into the mail box he left, excited for the next morning. He wondered how she would react. Would she jump into his arms? Would she pull him to the side and declare her love for him? Would she not speak at all and kiss him? He knew he needed to prepare for anything.

What he wasn't prepared for was the complete silence. When he arrived at the hospital, he spotted Kotoko and Keita walking together a little further apart than usual. When Irie caught her gaze, she immediately turned away, with a guilty and nervous expression on her face. What was going on? Did she hate the letter? Didi she even read it?

As the day went on, Irie grew more and more irritable with Kotoko's behavior. He avoided his gaze at every turn, she did her best to stay as far from him as possible, she practically ran when she was forced to hand over her blood draw to him. Finally Irie had decided enough was enough. He decided to confront her at lunch. He spotted her sitting next to Keita as usual but something looked… off between them. Keita kept to leaning in close to whisper in her ear and she kept pushing him away or would tell him to stop. As Irie grew closer, he could somewhat hear the argument going on between them.

"You don't think we should at least talk about this?"

"Keita, stop. There's nothing to talk about. I'm still married."

"Did you read the letter?" Both Kotoko and Keita were both startled as they looked up at the enraged top boy.

"Letter? What letter?"

"Don't play stupid with me. Look, Kotoko. I get it, okay? We haven't spoken in weeks but the least you could've done was read the damn thing instead of avoiding me."

"Irie, you're making a scene. I don't know what you're talking about. I never got a letter from you."

"Don't lie to me!"

"Irie, stop!"

"You're coming with me. I'm sick of this. You and I are finally going to talk this out." Irie continued to grab onto Kotoko's arm and pull her out of her seat. As the situation grew more intense, students began to walk over to watch.

"Irie, let go of me! I'm going anywhere with you."

"Are you out of your mind? Irie, let her go!" Keita suddenly stood out of his seat and attempted to get between the struggling couple.

"Stay out of this, Keita! This is between me and my wife!" As Keita realized this was getting out of hand, he knew there was only one thing he could say.

"I threw it away, okay!? Kotoko didn't know anything about it. I helped her take the mail out, I found the letter, and I threw it away without telling her. Leave her out of this."

The entire room gasped as they watched the scene unfold. Irie and Kotoko looked at Keita in shock.

"You threw away the letter I wrote to win my wife back?"

"Yes. Irie, I'm sorry."

Anyone could've guessed what happened next. Irie slowly let go of Kotoko's arm. He walked over to Keita and punched him across the face. A full on fight broke out in the middle of the lunch room. Kotoko watched in horror as Keita was able to throw Irie onto the ground. People began cheering and shouting out words of encouragement to the both of them.

"Kick his pompous ass, Keita!"

"You gonna let that guy mess with your wife, Irie!?"

The fight only lasted a few minutes, but it felt like an eternity for Kotoko. She never dreamed it would come down to this. This cared for the both of them greatly but couldn't believe how childish they were being. What did they think was going to happen? Did they seriously believe she was going to jump into the arms of the winner? Security and the dean of the university finally stepped in and separated the two students.

"Stay away from my wife, Kamogari!"

Filled with testosterone and rage Keita couldn't stop the words that came out of his mouth next, "A bit late for that. She seemed to enjoy what happened last night." The crowd of students went absolutely berserk. Some were cheering, others making sound effects, and the rest looking straight at Kotoko and whispering. Feeling absolutely humiliated, Kotoko ran out the lunch room doors and cried as she ran all the way home.

Both of the students were quickly escorted into the deans office. The were sat at opposite sides of the room but no amount of distance could stop the hateful stares the two students were giving each other.

"What the hell happened out there? Have you two absolutely lost your minds? You are the top students in your fields, yet you couldn't restrain yourselves from fighting like two-year old's in a play ground after the same toy. Give me one good reason why you shouldn't both be expelled right here right now."

Both of the students sat in their chairs with their heads down. No matter how you spun the story, they knew everything the dean had just said was reasonable and true.

Irie decided to speak first, "I can't make any excuses. I've lost it all within these past few weeks. I've lost my marriage, my dignity, my sanity, and now I might lose the one thing that gives me purpose in life. I've brought this on myself. If you could bring it in yourself to forgive me, I would be eternally grateful. If not, I will fully except the consequences."

The dean looked at his star student with pity in his eyes. News travels fast across the university. Even the dean knew his star pupil had been unraveling since his separation from his wife. He then looked at Keita expectantly.

"There's nothing left to say. I allowed my emotions and my feelings for Kotoko get the best of me. I've made so many mistakes and I know I deserve any consequence coming to me. There is nothing I love more than helping people. Nursing is all that I am. And if I am expelled today, I know I could never forgive myself for the foolish choices I've made. Please forgive me."

The dean let out an exasperated sigh. Keita had been a model student at this university for a long time. He knew Keita had a kind heart but often had an issue with reeling in his emotions. He couldn't just let the students go without punishment but he could show them a little mercy.

"You two are suspended for the week, affective immediately. Don't let this happen again. If another incident like this were to occur again, I'm afraid my hands would be tied. I would be forced to expel you both. Do you understand?"

The students both thanked him for his kindness and were released from the office. Irie and Keita walked side by side without speaking a word. The damage was done and there was no turning back from their mistakes. They both looked awful. Keita had a black eye, a cut lip, and was bruised at the sides from the relentless punching. Irie didn't look much better. He had a swollen lip, his hair disheveled, his shirt torn, and plenty of bruising on his back from Keita throwing him to the ground. They walked outside and parted ways, both contemplating the choices they've made.

 **Author's Notes:**

 **Okay, so this chapter was a little longer than the rest. I was so incredibly excited for the fight scene in particular. I really feel that this story is really starting to get some momentum. Next up, we'll see how Kotoko deals with the betrayal from Keita and how Irie deals with the betrayal from Kotoko. What's next for this love triangle? I've also decided to start naming the chapters. I feel like it adds something. Hope you enjoyed!**


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9: The Morning After

Kotoko was absolutely furious. It was the morning after the incident and she was still reeling from Keita's betrayal. How could he do this to her? After all they had been through, he had destroyed her marriage, humiliated her, and broken her heart all in one afternoon.

Keita called and messaged her throughout the day. He attempted to explain himself countless times, admitting he'd felt he had done the right thing for all the wrong reasons. What was stopping Kotoko from forgiving him was the fact the she knew he wasn't sorry for all the pain he had caused her marriage. Not really. He was only sorry he was caught. He never would've told her about the letter if it wasn't for the confrontation and it broke her heart more than anything.

Kotoko slowly got out of bed and decided to check her mail. God knows she wouldn't trust anyone else to do it ever again. She opened her front door to reveal Keita sitting half asleep on her front porch. Startled, Keita quickly picked himself up from the floor.

"You look awful."

"Gee, thanks. It's a new look I'm trying on." Kotoko wasn't amused.

"What are you doing here, Keita?"

"I'm sorry. I know you probably don't want to see me right now. I couldn't sleep so I came out to see you last night and you weren't there. I figured you were asleep."

"You've been sitting on my front porch since last night?"

Keita looked down in embarrassment, "Yeah, kinda. It's okay. I wanted to."

Kotoko was touched. No matter how angry she was with Keita for what he had done, she knew she couldn't hate him forever. He was her best friend and the only person who truly believed in her. Still, she needed some questions answered.

"Come on. Get inside. It's cold." With a hopeful expression on his face, Keita slowly made his way into the house.

"Why didn't I get that letter, Keita? No jokes, no lies, and no more secrets. I want the truth."

"I just couldn't give it to you. He's wrong for you Kotoko. I know I made a mistake but I just couldn't wait anymore."

Kotoko was suddenly overcome with rage, "Who the HELL do you think you are deciding on messages I should or should not get!?"

"Who the hell am I?"

"Yes!"

"I'm the guy that's been sitting out on your front porch for eight hours! I'm the guy that's spent weeks trying to save you from your shithole of a marriage! I'm the guy who's been holding you while you've cried over that fucking asshole! Don't you get it, Kotoko? I'm here to save you, not to hurt you!"

Kotoko's features softened. Although she knew what Keita did was wrong, she couldn't hold the letter against him forever. He's the only person who's stood by her, even if he hadn't done it in the most honest way.

"Keita… look at me." With reluctance, Keita met her gaze.

"I am not waiting for you to rescue me. You have been so wonderful. You're my best friend and everything I've wanted to be. You're so strong and passionate. I care about you so much but you need to understand that who I end up with is not for you to decide. I need to sort out my feelings on my own."

Keita knew what he had done was wrong but his heart soared knowing that Kotoko would forgive him. She's always had such a kind and forgiving heart. It was one of the many things he adored about her.

 _(Back at the Irie's Household)_

Mrs. Irie was passing by her son's room when she noticed him at his desk. He was staring intently at a packet of papers. She decided to walk in to investigate.

"Naoki! What the hell are you doing?"

There stood her son with a pen in his hands reading over divorce papers.

"What does it look like? Leave me alone. I need to think."

"It doesn't seem like you're thinking hard enough by the looks of it. Does Kotoko know about this?"

"No, but she will as soon as I mail it to her."

"Naoki, what's going on?"

"She slept with him."

"Who?"

"Keita! She always denied it but I always knew she was in love with him. She's going to leave me anyway, may as well beat her to it."

"Naoki, calm down. Has it ever occurred to you to actually have a talk with Kotoko? Face to face? No letters or angry confrontations. Just a talk."

Irie took a second to ponder over her mother's words. It never occurred to him that a civil conversation might save their relationship. After all, they hadn't had a normal conversation in months.

"Maybe you're right."

"Here me out. I know you'll absolutely despise the idea but… what about marriage counseling."

Irie scoffed, "Mother, I don't need some over priced therapist to ask me how I'm feeling. I can solve my relationship on my own."

"Oh, yes. Because that's been working splendidly for you so far." Irie shot her an icy glare.

"Just think about it, son. Let's just pause on this whole divorce nonsense for now and we can come back to it after a talk with Kotoko. Who knows? Maybe it'll go great."

Irie let out an exasperated sigh, "Fine. One talk, but I get to decide what happens afterwards. Deal?

"Deal. Goodnight, my sweet boy."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10: Forgiveness Isn't Easy

Keita's week of suspension was absolutely insufferable. His daily ritual was to wake up, eat breakfast, watch t.v, eat lunch, take an incredibly long nap, and wait for Kotoko to give him a call. He never realized how much meaning being a nurse really gave him. It was all he was and he wasn't allowed to step foot in the hospital for a week.

It was late afternoon when he finally got a call from Kotoko.

"FINALLY! Jeez, Kotoko. You have no idea how bored I am over here. Let me come over! I'll make you dinner, whatever you want."

"Woah, woah! Calm down! I didn't even get a hello."

"Oh… sorry. Hi." They both began bursting in laughter.

"Sure, you can come over for a while. Let's hold off on the drinks tonight, okay?"

In the past couple of days, Kotoko and Keita finally had a serious discussion on boundaries. The absence of alcohol was definitely put on the long list of Keita's new rules.

"Awe, now why spoil the fun?"

"I mean it, Keita. Alright, alright. We'll have a very kid friendly night, okay? Just let me come over."

"Alright, see you at six. I'm on my way home."

"See you soon." Keita hangs up.

Things between Keita and Kotoko were slowly but surely getting back into the groove of their… very complex relationship. She made it very clear sex was off the table but that didn't mean the flirtation was completely gone. He knew he had to get back into her good graces and honesty was the best way to get there.

Keita pulled the crumpled love letter out of his pocket. He'd lied when he said he had thrown it away. As bad as he wanted to, he couldn't do it. His guilty conscious wouldn't allow it. After his argument with Kotoko, Keita realized he couldn't keep making decisions for her. As much as he hated Irie, he knew the divorce wasn't for him to decide. Kotoko deserved to know what was in it.

(Flashforward to Kotoko's house)

Kotoko opened her door with a smile on her face. Sweet and optimistic as ever, she welcomed him in.

"Keita! I've missed you so much! Come on in."

Keita stepped inside, anxious to give Kotoko what was in his pocket.

"Yeah, I've missed you too. Hey, listen there's something I really need to tell you."

"Sure, what's up?" The couple made their way to the couch and began their conversation.

"There's something I need to come clean to you about."

"Oh, God. Keita, another secret? We've talked about this."

"No, no! I think you're going to appreciate this one. I promise." Kotoko let out an exasperated sigh as Keita handed her the letter.

"What's this?"

"It's the letter Irie wrote to you. I wanted to throw it away but you deserve to know what it says. I'm sorry I tried to hide it from you. I was being jealous and selfish. I'll never do that to you again, Kotoko. I need you to know that I don't want to lose you. Even if you decide not to go through with the divorce, I'll never stop being by your side."

Kotoko's heart absolutely melted. Even though Keita had lied, she knew he'd never meant to hurt her. He was just looking out for her in his own way.

"Keita, that is so sweet. Thank you."

Kotoko looked down at the letter in her hands, nervous and reluctant to open it.

"What's wrong?"

"I'm terrified."

"Why?"

"I haven't spoken to him since the fight. And I've waited so long for him to finally open up or apologize or… something. What if this letter is just another disappointment?"

"Then I'll be there to hold you if it is." Kotoko held her breath in anticipation as she slowly opened the letter.

 _Dear Kotoko,_

 _You and I haven't spoken in weeks. You couldn't imagine the pain I've been going through, knowing that I am the only one to blame for this. I've never been a good husband. Everybody in this school and probably everyone in existence doesn't understand why we're together. But I know why. Everyday you push and challenge me to be the kind of person I've always wanted to be. It's because of you that I decided to pursue my dreams of becoming a doctor. The only reason I have any passion residing in me at all is because of you, Kotoko. I've loved you since the day you walked into my home, although I was too stupid to admit it for so long. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize it. I was so caught up in my own ego and I often blamed you for my shortcomings and failures. Kotoko, I can't exist without you. I understand you believe filing for a divorce is what's best but I can't stand by and watch something so perfect slip away from me. You make me happier than I ever thought I could be and if you decide to stay, I promise I will spend the rest of my life trying to get you to feel the same way._

 _Your husband,_

 _Naoki_

"Oh my God…"

 _(Back at the Irie's household)_

Irie was struggling to make a final decision on what to do next. The feeling of pure jealousy mixed with fear and hate was a terrible feeling. Why the hell did he put himself through this in the first place? Why did he marry Kotoko? Life would've been so much easier if he had just listened to his first instincts about her.

Five years ago, Irie barely knew who Kotoko was. She was just another plain face in a sea of women vying for his affections. He won't deny he enjoyed the attention. Girls practically fainted when they saw him walk into a room. But Kotoko had been different. She didn't just love him for his status or his reputation. When she moved in, he realized more and more that she loved him for exactly who he was. No matter how poorly he treated her or what he was going through, she never stopped being there for him. And that was someone worth standing beside, for better or for worse.

Irie looked down at his cell phone knowing exactly what had to happen next.

 _(Back Kotoko's home)_

It had been a few hours since Keita went home and Kotoko was still reeling of the meaning behind Irie's letter. What does this mean? Did Irie want to reconcile? Did she want to reconcile? Did he actually miss her? Did he still hate her over what had happened between her and Keita? All these questions were swirling in Kotoko's head when she heard her cell phone ring.

"Hello?"

"Hey."

"Irie?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"Oh, um, hi. How are you?"

"Well, not great. Knowing your marriage is in shambles and your wife is sleeping around with other men really puts a guy in a bad mood."

"I am NOT sleeping around, Irie. You and I haven't talked in weeks. I thought our relationship was dead. You getting to a fight at the hospital wasn't exactly the gesture I was looking for."

"That's no excuse. Just because your marriage is in trouble, doesn't mean you run into the arms of somebody else. What the hell were you thinking?"

"Oh, now your Mr. Rational? Maybe we wouldn't be here if you had been a better husband."

"KOTOKO!" Kotoko was startled by the sudden rage in her husband's voice. She knew what he was saying made sense. She hadn't meant to break her marriage more than it already was. It was a moment of weakness she knew Irie would never forget. She wanted to apologize and tell him it would never happen again but her own pride wouldn't allow it. Why should he win? Why should she give up her dignity after everything he'd put her through?

After a long moment of silence Irie spoke once again, "Come home."

"What?"

"I don't know if this can still work. I don't know if we can ever forgive each other. But we won't know unless we try. Come home and we'll start all over. We'll even go to marriage counseling if we need it. I don't want this marriage to fail but I need you to be accountable for the mistakes you've made. And I have a few conditions I need you to agree to before I can even think about us fully reconciling again."

Kotoko knew there were only two choices. She could swallow her pride and take the abuse for what happened between her and Keita for the rest of her life or she could stay and leave the fate of her marriage in question. She knew what had to be done.

"No."

"What?"

"Irie, I'm not coming home. If I come home, it means that I'm accepting full responsibility of what happened between us. If you want to work on our marriage, I need to see that something's changed. I accept that I've made mistakes but we both know you'll never accept yours. For five years all I've ever wanted was for you to show me that you love me. And even in our marriage, sometime I feel like you forget that I even exist."

"Kotoko-"

"I'm sorry. You broke my heart." Kotoko then ended the call.

 **Author's Notes: Well, I'm back! Exams have been much less strenuous than I originally thought and I have returned with some new ideas. I recommend re-reading both chapter 9 and 10 as I have made some pretty big changes to the plotline. Reading over some of your comments and constructive criticism, I've decided Kotoko's decision was way too rushed and a little outside of her character. I'm going to take my time with this story and who knows? Our Keita/Kotoko shippers may have a fighting chance after all.**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11: Domino Effect

Irie sat in his chair in complete silence. He couldn't believe it. He gave her a choice to come home so they can work on their marriage and she dismissed him? What the hell does she want? Did she want him to crawl to his knees and beg? What does "real change" mean anyway? A year ago, he never could've imagined making an effort for anyone. Women were so fickle.

As Irie sat brooding over how unfair the whole situation was, he heard something coming from Kotoko's old room. He tiptoed over to see his mother scrambling to make the bed and dust off the furniture. For weeks, mother had insisted that Yukki take refuge on the downstairs couch just in case Kotoko decided to come home.

"Mother, what are you doing?"

"It's dirty, unkept. What if she wants to come home? I can't leave it looking like this."

"Mom…"

"Naoki! Just go, okay? I'm sorry. I just really don't want to look at you right now."

Irie was shocked. His mother had been angry with him in the past but not like this. The disappointed and pained look in her eye made Irie feel like he'd just committed a murder or something. As his mother was finishing dusting off the bedsheets, he veered closer and closer to her.

"She's all alone out there, you know? Probably cold and she's probably not eating right. She needs to come home to eat, right?"

In that moment, he would've given anything to be able to tell her what she wanted to hear. He wanted to tell her Kotoko was ready to come home and that someway somehow, they managed to put aside their differences for their marriage. Unfortunately, that couldn't be further from the truth. If he was really being honest with himself, he knew there was a very real possibility she was never coming home.

He'd been so caught up in his own misery, he never stopped to notice what the state of his marriage was doing to his mother. She had loved Kotoko like a daughter since the moment she'd set foot into the Irie's household. Naoki knew there was no stopping the connection they had built together.

Slowly but surely he wrapped his arms around his mother in a comforting embrace.

"Naoki, get off of me. I don't need you to hug me. I don't need anything from you." She pushed and struggled against her son's embrace but he refused to let her go. And suddenly all the anger seemed to leave her body as Mrs. Irie broke down in tears and dropped to the floor.

"I'm so sorry, son. I guess I'm just not taking her being gone as well as I thought. It's just… I wake up and I'm so full of hope every day that maybe she'll change her mind. And every day when she doesn't, I remember the reason she's not here is because of your marriage. It's been so hard."

Irie held onto his mother, not entirely sure what to say. He hated seeing her upset and angry. Most of the time it was because of him. Why was everything always his fault? Did he have to find a way to destroy every good relationship he had in his life?

 _(The next morning)_

Irie woke up and quickly got dressed for his first day back at the hospital. He felt so lost. For being a genius, his mother was right. He really is an idiot.

As he made his way into the hospital, he caught a glimpse of Kotoko. She was jumping up and down, so excited to see Keita back at her side. Time really does make the heart grow fonder because Irie couldn't take his eyes off of her. It dawned on him just how much he really missed her. She looked stunning, even in her nursing uniform. She looked exactly the same and yet she seemed like a totally different person. She was usually embarrassed by her sudden outbursts of excitement but when she was with Keita, it was as if they were the only two people on Earth. They either didn't notice the stares and the whispers or simply didn't care enough to acknowledge it. She was so much more confident and opinionated that she used to be. Irie didn't know whether he admired it or despised it.

Kotoko was filled with joy when she spotted Keita walking into the hospital on his first day back. She knew the first day wouldn't be easy as the incident the week before was still fresh on the students' minds. She was no fool. She was well aware of what people were saying behind her back. She was just too caught up in her own world to care.

Talking to Keita that morning was like a breath of fresh air. What made things a little awkward was the obvious stare she was receiving from her husband. Irie wasn't as subtle as he may have thought. Kotoko didn't know what to expect from him today. She figured he would still be angry over their conversation from the previous night. But he didn't seem angry. He seemed… very very exhausted. It was strange, he'd never looked at her that way before. Although his expression was stoic, she could've sworn she saw something else in his eyes. Sadness? Love? She couldn't really tell. Rejecting him hadn't been easy. Despite what everyone believes, she still loved her husband. She just couldn't take the neglect anymore.

As the day went on, Irie wouldn't stop staring at her with that sad and lonely expression. For once, they didn't try to avoid each other. Kotoko never realized how close they really had to be on a normal day of work. It felt like they were magnets, constantly fighting to free themselves of one another but some deeper connection wouldn't allow them fully separate.

For a split second, they found themselves completely alone. Kotoko was always the last person to gather her things at the end of a practical and Keita left for a short while to fraternize with his own friends he hadn't seen since his suspension. Irie seized the opportunity.

"Hey."

Startled Kotoko looked up at her estranged husband.

"Irie?"

"You look amazing." Kotoko couldn't help but blush at the sudden compliment. Although she'd never admit it to anyone, Irie still had a way of making her swoon.

"Um, thanks. Is that all you came here to say?" She attempted hide her face as she continued to meaninglessly look through her bag.

"No. Kotoko, please just look at me for a second, okay? I'm not here to start an argument."

Kotoko sighed in irritation. She had been prepared for anything but a civil discussion. What did he really have to say at this point? She slowly rose to her feet with and did as Irie asked.

"I can't take this silence anymore. Last night… everything took a turn for the worst. Mother misses you so much. She thought- well we both thought you'd be home by now."

"Sorry to disappoint you. I'm very happy in my life. Thank you."

"Kotoko, what do you want? What's it going to take? Do you seriously expect me to get down on my knees and beg?"

"It couldn't hurt."

"Don't you think this little charade has gone far enough? You win, okay? You win. Is that what you want to hear?"

"Charade? Are you kidding? I finally realize that I deserve better and you think it's a charade? I'm not asking for the world, Irie. I'm asking you to show me you still love me. We've been fighting for so long and you have yet to apologize or suggest anything that can save our marriage."

"Kotoko, I'm… I'm sorry. You know I never meant to hurt you."

"Didn't you? It's a little late for a half-assed apology. It is not my obligation to forgive you, Irie."

Suddenly they heard Keita coming from a distance, "Kotoko?"

"Irie, I have to go." As she turned and began walking in Keita's direction, Irie spoke once more.

"I'm still in love with you." She looked back with a look of pure disappointment.

"Yeah? You have a very funny way of showing it."

Irie didn't know how to respond. A year ago, a simple look would've gotten her to forgive him. After all, a romantic kiss in the rain was all it took to get her to marry him. He was quickly beginning to realize life wasn't a romantic comedy. In real life, the guy doesn't always get the girl and divorce really does exist. Talk was meaningless now. He needed to put his pride aside for now and start making some real steps toward winning Kotoko back. He had to start thinking bigger.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12: Crossroads

Later that night, Kotoko was having a difficult time getting Irie out of her head. She couldn't prolong their separation forever. His so called "efforts" hadn't given her anything to be hopeful about. She had a perfectly wonderful man sitting right beside her on her own couch. What was keeping her from signing those papers?

"Kotoko? Earth to Kotoko. If Kotoko is still with us, please allow her to speak!"

"Huh?"

"Geez, you're deep in thought."

"Oh, yeah… I'm sorry."

"What's on your mind?"

"Well, someone I know you wouldn't care to talk about."

"Oh…"

Keita and Kotoko sat in silence for a few moments. Both deep in thought about decisions that may define their future together.

"Kotoko?"

"Yes?"

Keita braced himself for the painful rejection as he continued to speak, "So I've been doing a lot of thinking recently about you and us…"

"Really?"

"Yeah. The thing is, I know our relationship is complex and ill-defined. One minute were laughing like best friends and the next were flirting like a couple." The comment made Kotoko blush.

"I know the divorce isn't final yet but I've just been waiting so long to get to this point with you. And I don't think I can go on another second without telling you how I feel."

"Keita…"

"I love you, Kotoko. You don't have to say it back. I know it's far too soon even if you do decide to get the divorce."

There was that word. Love. It had brought her so much heartbreak these past couple of years. Everyone talks about love when it's easy but they never talk about the pain it can bring. It was strange hearing someone else fully admit their devotion to her. She hadn't felt this sought after since Kinn. Although, the situation was entirely different. She knew she loved Keita but her feelings for Irie blurred what kind of love it really was. Did she love him as a brother or as a lover? She couldn't decide.

"Kotoko?"

"Hmmm? I'm sorry! Yes, it's too soon."

"I knew it. God, I'm sorry. I swear when I'm around you I just can't thing straight."

"Awe, Keita. It's okay. I think it's so wonderful you can express yourself this way. It's very romantic. You and I will get there. I'm sure of it."

Keita blushed furiously and kept talking before he could stop himself.

"Kotoko, I'm about to do something really stupid and a little crazy. And I understand I can't even blame the alcohol this time around…" Keita then got off of the couch, propped himself on one knee, and presented a small black box from his pocket.

"Oh, God. What's happening?"

"Kotoko Aihara-"

"No, don't say it!"

"Will you marry me?"

Kotoko looked down at the flawless ring. For God sakes, it was twice as big as the one Irie had given her! She knew what was expected in this kind of occasion. She was supposed to scream, "YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES!"But she wasn't. They stared at one another, unsure of who was going to speak first.

 _(Back at the Iri's household)_

Irie had an idea, a brilliant idea. In exactly one week Kotoko would officially be receiving her Associates degree. He has decided a party was the only thing that could show his undying love for her. Parties symbolized everything Irie hated. Cake, decorations, balloons, and people. Kotoko was going to love it. Of course, when he told his mother, she practically jumped for joy.

"OH, NAOKI! A PARTY! IT'S BRILLIANT! Oh my goodness! We need to get started right away! We need cake, balloons, decorations, a guest list, A THEME. What about FIREWORKS? Oh, Kotoko is just going to LOVE it!"

"MOM!"

Mrs. Irie was immediately pulled out of her enthusiasm at her son's authoritative tone."

"No fireworks. Look, I know parties are your thing but… I want this to come from me, okay? I want to see the look on Kotoko's face when she sees I can do something right. Can you please for once, let me do this on my own?"

His mother hung her head in disappointment, "Fine."

"Thank you."

His mother was right about one thing. There was so much to do in such a short amount of time. Irie was already sighing in frustration. This was going to be a loooooooong week.

 **Author's Notes: Okay, so I know this is a very short chapter with a lot going on but trust me, it'll all come together very soon. As usual, thank you for your kind words. Hope you enjoyed!**


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13: Future Plans

Keita and Kotoko were still at a loss for words. They had been in the same position for about five minutes straight not saying a word and even Keita had to admit he was getting pretty uncomfortable with the awkward silence. It felt like they were both on strike and the person who spoke first was the loser.

"Ummmm, Kotoko?"

"Yeah?"

"We've been in the same position for a while. Can I stand now?"

"What? Oh, of course! Oh, Keita. I am so sorry."

Keita picked himself up from the embarrassing position. "No, no! Kotoko, I get it. I really get it. It was a crazy long-shot."

"Oh, Keita. No, this is so wonderful and you're so wonderful. Everything between us lately has been so wonderful." Kotoko was starting to wonder who she was really trying to convince here. Keita or herself. And if anything but the word wonderful was in her vocabulary.

"But you're not ready." Keita hung his head in disappointment. He knew she probably wouldn't say yes, at least not right away but the rejection still felt painfully real.

"I'm sorry, Keita. I'm not. Honestly, I don't even know if I picture myself walking down the isle again, not with anyone. The memory's just too painful. Marriage and love haven't really worked for me. I can't be forced into another wedding I know I'm not ready for. Do you understand?"

"Of course, Kotoko. It's fine. Really, don't worry about it. Listen, I should really get going."

"You don't have to leave."

"No, I know. I'm sorry. I just need a moment." Without giving her a chance to say another word, he walked over to her front door and left. Kotoko wanted to chase after him but what good would it do? It wouldn't change her mind. She wasn't ready to start over. Although, maybe that was the problem. It was starting to become clear she might never be ready. Her turbulent relationship with Irie was all she's ever had. A divorce meant accepting whatever future she thought they may have had together was over. Why did it all feel like a dream? It felt as though the past five years of her life had passed her by in a whirl of chaos, kisses, and heartbreak.

 _(Flashforward a week)_

Irie was terrified beyond belief. Today's the day. Kotoko was officially getting her degree. He had a bullet proof plan that had to go absolutely perfect if he had any shot at winning his wife back. Everything was set. The cake and balloons were the easy part. The guest list was a little tricky as he didn't want too many guests that Kotoko would become easily distracted or too little guests which would make the party seem unfun.

So he stuck to the basics. He was able to get a hold of Kotoko's Class F friends, Jinko and Satomi. They were thrilled to get the chance to see their closest friend again. He also invited Kinn and Chris. He would obviously be in attendance. And his mother, father, Yukki, and Mr. Aihara would be there too. It was simple and family friendly. He made sure to have all of Kotoko's favorite foods and sweets. The decorations had been meticulously thought out, with a mix of festive congratulations and her favorite colors. Irie looked down at the small gift in his hand when his mother walked into his room.

"Naoki! Today's the day! You all set?"

Irie quickly hid the gift in his front pocket before turning.

"Yes, Mom. All set." She got tell her son was feeling a bit distressed.

"What's wrong?" Irie looked up in surprise. Since when had people been able to see right through him? This whole Kotoko situation had really thrown him off his game.

"Nothing. It's just… today needs to be perfect. This is pretty much my last desperate shot at getting her back. What if she hates it? What if it's too late?" Mrs. Irie looked at her son with sympathy in her eyes.

"Then you let her go so she can be happy. Life doesn't always go our way, son. Love isn't easy. It's messy and painful and it doesn't always show up at the most opportune time. To truly love someone is to let them go and to allow them the chance to come back if it's meant to be."

Irie knew this was it. It was now or never and he had to accept the outcome, even if it killed him. He'd made so many mistakes throughout his relationship with Kotoko. For once in his life, he just wanted to do the right thing.

 _(Back at the hospital)_

Kotoko had never felt so much happiness and pride in her entire life. Here she was, finally receiving the credit and the recognition she deserves! The past week had been difficult enough with Keita's ill-timed proposal. He'd gotten over it quickly enough but once he finally returned her calls, he said he needed an answer soon. She knew that was coming. She knew she couldn't leave Keita waiting on her forever. Irie had been dead silent, not even a single glance in her direction throughout the week. She knew something was wrong, he seemed tense and nervous about something. She brushed it off as stress from upcoming exams. He was always so tightly wound. Mother had given her a call the night before and asked Kotoko to come over for a quiet dinner to celebrate her graduation. Kotoko had been touched by the offer and agreed on the condition that she give her and Irie a moment alone to speak.

She'd finally gathered up the courage to get the divorce papers. She knew tonight was going to define everything. He was either going to apologize and vow to make up for everything he's done to her or they were going to sign the documents.

But there was plenty of time to worry over that tonight. Right now was all about her. She stood up alongside Keita, Motoko, Marina, and Tomoko as they received their diplomas. She couldn't believe it. All those grueling hours at the hospital had paid off. She didn't need Irie to support her. She did this all on her own. As soon as the announcements were over, Kotoko and her friends jumped for joy throwing their over-sized caps in the air. It hadn't originally been part of his plan. Unbeknownst to Kotoko, Irie had decided to come. He stood in the back and only clapped for her name as she was being called. The point wasn't for her to see him there, he just didn't want to miss the moment. He couldn't miss that perfect smile on her face when they handed her that roll of paper. He'd never been so proud.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14: How did we get here?

Kotoko was standing in front of the Irie's front door. She was having a difficult time catching her breath. What the hell was she doing here? Was she in over her head? Irie probably doesn't even want her here. However, she knew she wasn't there for him. She had missed her mother so much over this past month and she deserved a small celebration from her accomplishment. Besides, she would have to face her husband eventually, whether she liked it or not. She tightly gripped her purse with the divorce papers placed inside. She gathered all of the courage she could muster and slowly knocked on the front door.

It was opened in a slow manner. Kotoko was starting to get a little creeped out because of all the lights being shut off. It felt like a horror film for a moment. She slowly stepped inside.

"Hello?"

"SURPRISE!" The bright lights came on instantly, revealing all of her friends and loved ones.

Kotoko was absolutely taken aback and couldn't see very well for a few seconds. Everyone scrambled over to her offering their congratulations, words of affection, and hugs. It was all a little overwhelming.

"Woah, woah! One at a time guys!" Although it was all a little much, Kotoko giggled in delight. She should've known Mrs. Irie would do throw another big bash to celebrate her. It's what she did best. Though as she looked around, she noticed something a little… off. It certainly didn't look like a party her mother in law would throw. It was simple, elegant, and seemed meticulously planned.

It was Mrs. Irie's turn to squeeze Kotoko in an uncomfortably tight hug. "OH, KOTOKO! We've all missed you so much! I can't believe you're actually here!"

"Awe, thank you mother. It's good to be back. This is amazing. Thank you for doing this for me."

"Oh… well I can't take all the credit. Actually, I can't really take any. This was all Naoki's idea. It's cute, I suppose. But I really feel some fireworks would've really brought it all together, don't you think?"

Kotoko couldn't believe it. Irie had never once made an attempt to go out of his way to do something nice for her. Looking around, it all made sense. Only Irie would be able to pull off something this meticulous and simple.

"Irie… Irie did this for me?"

Mrs. Irie looked at her daughter in law with sympathy and hope in her eyes. Unfortunately, all she could see in Kotoko's eyes was uncertainty and distrust.

"Kotoko, I know things haven't been easy but I want you to know how much this night meant for him. His only goal was to make you happy. I thought it was an incredibly nice touch for him to show up at your ceremony and-"

"HE CAME!?

"You didn't know?"

Kotoko was at a loss for words. What the hell was happening. For a whole week he hadn't bothered to look in her direction and now he was being supportive and kind?

She attempted to forget about the situation and enjoy her small get together. Jinko and Sotomi were doing well. Nothing much has changed since high school.

"So how have you guys been?"

Sotomi was the first to speak, "Oh, it's been great! I tried going to college for a little while but it wasn't for me. But still, I couldn't have asked for a kinder husband or a more perfect daughter."

"Oh, Sotomi! That's wonderful! I'm glad you've found so much happiness. And you, Jinko?"

"Eh, you know me. Just going with the flow."

"Oh… well great!"

It never occurred to Kotoko what her life would've become if she hadn't pursued Irie for so many years. Would she have married Kinn? She certainly never would've considered becoming a nurse. She never would've met Keita or gotten an Associate's degree. She didn't think she'd be who she is now without her marriage. It's funny how things work out. Life truly is a blessing and a curse.

Kotoko excused herself for a moment to talk to Kinn and Chris. She'd seen them around at the hospital but it's been a while since they've spoken.

"Hi, guys!"

"Kotoko! It's so wonderful to see you! Congratulations, by the way."

"Thanks, Chris. I've missed you so much! How are things at the restaurant, Kinn?'

"Eh, you know a little this, a little of that."

"Don't be so modest. He was promoted to head chef!"

"Kinn, that's amazing!"

Kinn looked down slightly and blushed. "Thanks."

Chris excused herself for a few moments to chat with Irie's mother.

"So head chef and a perfect wife? I believe you're the one who deserves to be congratulated."

"Yeah, she's really amazing isn't she."

"You love her so much, don't you?"

"Of course. You know, I never got the chance thank you."

"Thank me?

"For everything. When you rejected me, I thought there was no way I was going to survive. But then Chris stepped in and she hasn't left my side ever since. She's so supportive of my ambitions and dreams. And now I can't imagine my life without her. So thank you. Thank you for allowing her to come into my life."

Kotoko was touched. She had felt guilty for so long for breaking Kinn's heart. She never knew how much her relationship with Irie had affected others people's lives. Somehow, she knew that everything that had happened was how it was meant to be. Back then, she was so certain in her decisions and now she just felt lost on what do next. What was the right decision?

"You're welcome, Kinn."

Feeling a little overwhelmed, Kotoko decided to make her way upstairs to get some fresh air on the patio. It just occurred to her that she hadn't seen the party's host since she'd gotten here. She stepped into her old room. It felt like a time capsule, as everything was exactly the way she'd left it. She hadn't been in Irie's room long enough to bring all of her things into his room. There was her bed where she spent so many nights crying over her husband and there was the photo of her and Irie that she used to adore looking at every night before bed. She walked onto the patio contemplating on everything that had led her to this moment wondering if it had all been worth it.

Their romantic kiss in the rain felt like a lifetime ago even though their marriage had barely begun a few months before. Now she had two men who both wanted her. She should've felt like she was on top of the world but she wasn't. She felt like nothing. She felt empty and broken inside.

"Hey."

Kotoko was taken out of her depressing thoughts when Irie showed up from behind her.

"Irie… hi."

"Did you not like the party? Everyone's probably looking for you downstairs."

"No, it was wonderful. I'm just feeling overwhelmed at the moment."

"Oh. Is there anything I can do?"

Who the hell was this guy? It looked like her husband, it sounded like her husband, it just wasn't acting like him.

"Um, no Irie. I'm fine."

They stood there on the patio for a few minutes in painfully awkward silence. Irie decided to step a little closer in her direction, making Kotoko blush. She couldn't tell if she was blushing in discomfort or anger. It was a strange mix.

"You look beautiful."

"Stop."

"What?"

"I don't want you thinking that this changes anything. I'm still not coming home."

"What's wrong with you?"

"You! Irie, I don't understand you. One second you act as if I don't exist and the next you're telling me I'm beautiful. What the hell do you want from me?"

"I want you to come back."

"Why?"

"Look, I'm sorry okay? Up until this point, I didn't know what to do. All I know is that ever since the day we met, I always thought I'd have you, a house, and kids someday."

"We."

"What?"

"You meant you thought _we_ would have a house and kids someday. You're a selfish and possessive prick. Do you understand that? For being a genius, you just don't get it."

"Get what?"

"Irie, what did you think was going to happen? I don't need parties and gifts. I need an apology and some kind of acknowledgement that I'm a person instead of just your wife."

"You've got to be kidding me. I spent all week trying to just do something nice for you and yet I'm still the bad guy?"

"Oh, please. This wasn't a sincere gesture. This was just some way of you throwing money and gifts at our problems to make them go away. It doesn't work that way."

"What the fuck do you want from me!?"

"I want a fucking husband! I want a man who doesn't treat me like I'm worthless. I want a man that can admit when he's wrong instead of pushing some grand gesture in my face!"

The room became silent. Neither had anything left to say. They'd said it all. Nothing between them was going to changed. Even with Irie's best efforts, he could never give her what she wants. It was evident to Kotoko that he just isn't capable of change. She took out the divorce papers and placed them on the desk.

"Sign them."

Kotoko began walking out of the room when Irie grabbed her by the wrist.

"You're really going to leave like this after everything we've been through?"

"Yes."

"You're a fucking coward."

"I don't love you anymore!"

"I don't believe you."

Just then Irie's lips came crashing down on Kotoko's. She attempted to push him away but he refused to let her go. She couldn't deny the arousal that was growing within her as his hands began to roam all over her body. One hand glided through her hair and cupped the back of her neck. He left her a short moment to pull away as he lowered his head and began kissing and nipping at the soft skin at the base of her throat.

Kotoko wanted to fight off the wave of pleasure but she couldn't resist as he continued his assault on her neck. She bit back a moan as he grazed a particular sensitive spot. Kotoko felt like she was in a haze of ecstacy. It's been a long time since Irie had touched her this way. She'd almost forgotten how skilled he could be.

"I want you, Kotoko. Tell me you want me."

He gently began pushing her toward the bed and bagan roaming his hands underneath her shirt. She continued to moan under her breath. She wanted more. Irie suddenly grabbed her by her wrist and forced them abover her head.

"Tell me you want me."

Kotoko knew it was wrong and there was no explaining this away if Keita were to ever find out. But in that moment, she really couldn't care less. Irie was like a drug. She needed that high to function. As sick as it was, she couldn't help herself.

"I want you."

After that, Irie didn't hold back. He practically tore her shirt off her body as he continued his passionate kisses. The sex was everything Kotoko had dreamed of and more. He knew what he was doing every step of the way. He teased her sensitive area until she was about to have her release. It was equally frustrating and erotic all at once. It made it so much more satisfying when he finally allowed her to reach her orgasm. She screamed out his name over and over again as he rocked their bodies back and forth. Irie then wrapped his arms around her as they slowly drifted to sleep.

 **Author's Notes: Well… that was an interesting experience. Hi, everyone! I apologize for not posting these past couple of days. Final exams are getting a little stressful. I most likely won't be getting back to this story for about a week or more. Anyway, I've never done any kind of detailed sex scene before so I apologize for the armature writing. I'm still a work in progress, so please bear with me and thank you all for your patience and support. Hope you enjoyed!**


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15: Compromise and guest trouble

Kotoko woke up in a surprisingly good mood. Images from the night before flashed through her mind, making her turn a deep red. She wasn't so sure what was next for them. Last night was absolutely amazing but she knew sex was sex. She'd learned over time to never look deeper into Irie's actions. After all, their first kiss had barely meant anything to him at all. What if last night was just his way of letting out his frustrations? Where does that lead them?

She turned to look at her estranged husband. He was absolutely beautiful when he was asleep. There was no trace of anger or frustration, just a peaceful and angelic expression. And for a moment she'd forgotten all about the pain and chaos in these pasts few months that have led them to their current situation. Only for a moment.

Suddenly Irie began to stir and slowly opened his eyes, "Good morning."

"Morning."

Irie turned on his side to get a better look at her, "I missed seeing you like this in the morning."

Kotoko ducked her head down in embarrassment, "Ew, Irie. I look like a mess."

"So? I like you this way. It's so natural and… you."

It was strange. He'd never looked at her this way before, with such open love and adoration. It was a delightful change but Kotoko could only wonder how long it would last.

"Why did you leave me?"

"Irie…"

"No, I'm serious. Not a joke and not a rhetorical question. I genuinely want to understand what I did that was so terrible. I get it, we had a fight. Couples do it all the time. But you just left thinking that it wouldn't have any impact on anyone here."

"It's what you wanted."

"What I wanted? What I wanted was for you to give me another chance."

"You have had five years' worth of chances, Irie. And I have waited five long years for you to take them. You broke my heart. As much as I love you, I couldn't let you treat me that way anymore. Why should I lift a finger for this marriage when you've done nothing to save it?"

"Kotoko, I love you. I always have. I can't imagine spending my life without you. It would be different if we could just give this one more chance. If it doesn't work out, I promise I'll sign the papers. No questions asked."

Kotoko was unsure of how to feel. She knew Irie loved her in his own way. She was sure of it. But was love enough? Love can't create a perfect marriage. Her and Irie were proof of that. Not to mention she still had Keita to think about. He was so ready and willing to spend the rest of his life with her. Breaking his heart wasn't something she'd ever intended. Still, she couldn't just ignore Irie's efforts either. Even though he wasn't trying in all the right ways, he was still trying. This was the first calm and civil conversation they'd had in months. Maybe hope wasn't completely lost for their marriage. She'd never know unless she tried.

"Irie, I'm not ready to come home. But I am willing to reach some kind of compromise."

Irie looked up at his wife with a hopeful expression.

"We'll do the marriage counselling. I'll do one session with you. _One._ If I feel we're making progress, we'll keep doing it. If we aren't you sign the papers. Is that fair?"

Irie was slightly disappointed she wasn't ready to come home yet. But it was a step in the right direction.

"Yes."

"Good. In the meantime, I just want things to continue on as normal okay? No more spontaneous fights in the cafeteria, no more letters, and no more of this jealousy nonsense. It isn't fair of you to blame Keita for our problems. He has done nothing but support me throughout this entire separation. We had problems long before he came into our lives. Understand?"

Irie fought to bite his tongue at the mention of Keita. He despised him with every ounce of his being but he knew he'd also made a very large impression on Kotoko. He knew that if he fought against her requests now, she would most likely back out of their deal. He needed to bide his time and hope that eventually she'll understand why Keita could no longer be apart of their lives if they decided to reconcile.

"Fine. Deal."

Kotoko couldn't help but smile at her small victory. It wasn't much but it was a start.

"Okay. I have to go. I'll see you soon."

Kotoko quickly threw on her clothes from the night before and walked downstairs. As she was making her way to the front door, she spotted Mrs. Irie busy in the kitchen. She figured she may as well say goodbye.

"Kotoko! Good morning. You look… well rested. Everyone was wondering where you'd snuck off to last night." Mrs. Irie sipped her coffee with a knowing smile on her face.

Kotoko turned bright red as she attempted to explain away where she had gone the previous night, "Um, yes! I- I was pretty tired after a long night! After all, Irie sure knows how to throw a grand party!"

"I'm sure he does." Mrs. Irie gave her daughter in law a small wink to indicating she was well aware of what had really gone on.

 _(The previous night)_

All of the party guests seemed to be having an amazing time, hardly noticing that the guest of honor had completely disappeared. Suddenly they overheard an argument, a very loud argument coming from upstairs.

"Oh, my. Shouldn't someone go check on them?" Chris questioned looking at her husband.

"Awe, Chris. I don't think it's any of our business."

Yukki spoke up as well, "It's fine. The dummy probably just got on his nerves. I'm sure their fine."

" _I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE!"_

" _I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!"_

The whole party gasped as they realized the situation might be more serious than they had previously thought. They listened in to see if they needed to run upstairs to separate the couple. But it suddenly grew quiet, a little too quiet for Mrs. Irie's liking.

"Okay, that's enough. I'm going to check on them." Mrs. Irie ran upstairs in a rush, fearing the worst had happened.

She pressed her ears up against the doors to listen in.

" _Tell me you want me."_

" _I want you."_

"Oh my God." Mrs. Irie was absolutely disgusted and delighted at the same time. Reconciliation? Did this mean they were getting back together? She rushed back downstairs to her guests.

"Um, everyone! Naoki and Kotoko are just fine. They're just a little "indisposed" at the moment and I don't think they'll be coming back down tonight."

Although Mrs. Irie had worked her very hardest on her subtlety of the situation, the guests were fully aware of what was really going on. They all decided to take they're leave.

On their way out Jinko exclaimed, "Wow. Way to go, Kotoko."

Sotomi giggled slightly, "They just can't keep their hands off of each other, can they?"

Mrs. Irie shut the door behind the guessed and let out a relieved sigh. No need for everyone to know about a husband and wife's affairs. She hurried off to bed along with Mr. Irie.

"What on Earth is going on with those two?" Mr. Irie exclaimed.

"Well, let's just say heard a little more than I needed to hear. But the good news is, I think they're finally taking steps to work things out."

 _(Flashforward to the present)_

Kotoko didn't like the look Mrs. Irie was giving her. She quickly exited the house while ducking her head down in embarrassment.

Mrs. Irie let out a light chuckle, "Oh, to be young and in love."

 **Author's Notes: Well, here's a little gift from me to you. I really wanted to keep this chapter short and sweet with a little humor. Do you guys think Irie's unreasonable to want Keita out of Kotoko's life? Do you think love is enough to keep a marriage together? Let me know your thoughts! My hour break is up so I am off to study up some more. Hope you all enjoyed!**


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16: Memory Lane

Kotoko arrived home, her mind a complete blank as she attempted to consider everything that just happened. She knew what she had done. She foolishly and willingly entertained the idea of her and Irie fixing their marriage. Last night had reminded her of why she fell in love with him in the first place. He was strong, intelligent, handsome, and calculated. Everything he did had a purpose, she knew. But could she trust him? Back when they were first married, she believed the vows meant a promise of change. She was wrong. Yet, here he was now. He vocally made a promise that if she came back, he would do anything in his power to fix their marriage.

And then there was Keita. He was equally as handsome, kind, passionate, and completely in love with her. Kotoko adored him more than anyone. However, he could never do what Irie does to her. He can't make her heart pound out of her chest or force her to become putty in his hands. The love they shared was simple and pure. She could be herself without ever having to feel ashamed or stupid. How could she do this again? She couldn't bring herself to tell Keita the truth about her feelings for Irie. It would only break his heart.

The next few days passed in a blur. Her conscious ate away at her every time Keita laughed, or smiled, or looked at her in that special way. Every once in a while, she would catch Irie staring at her as well, giving her a brief and kind smile when he caught her gaze. They had secretly been messaging back and forth over the course of that week. Kotoko had to admit he was really taking charge with handling the arrangements. Their appointment at the counseling office happened to be today and Kotoko was having a difficult time focusing.

"OW, Kotoko!"

"Hmmm?"

"I told you, YOU CAN'T USE THE NEEDLE TO FIND THE VEIN!"

"OH! I'm so sorry, Keita."

Keita looked at her suspiciously. She'd been acting so strange ever since the graduation. He knew Mrs. Irie inviting her over had been a bad idea. Kotoko was probably just feeling upset or confused.

"It's fine. But can you please focus now?"

"Of course!"

 _(Flash forward to the appointment)_

Kotoko was a ball of nerves as she squeezed onto Irie's hand awaiting their turn.

"Kotoko? It's going to be okay. It's just an appointment."

"I know, I'm just not sure what to expect. What if this doesn't work?"

"It will."

Their name was finally called and Irie practically had to drag Kotoko inside of the councilor's office.

"Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Irie."

Kotoko was able to calm down slightly when she saw their councilor. She was a very kind looking woman. Her name was Mrs. Suzuki. She was older, perhaps in her mid-forties. She had lovely brown hair and wore a professional business suit. Kotoko was immediately calmed by her kind eyes and soft sounding voice.

"Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Irie."

"Good morning." Irie responded. Kotoko sat in silence.

"I apologize. My wife is slightly nervous about being here today."

"And why is that Mrs. Irie?"

"Um… well…"

"I really want you to feel comfortable being here. This is a place where you can be completely honest without judgement. I am very well trained and have helped dozens of couples just like you and your husband. There's no need to be afraid."

"Well… honestly I'm a little scared of how this is going to play out. My husband and I have been unhappy for a very long time, you see. I don't know if I can get passed everything we've been through."

"Well, I can't promise to save your marriage. But I can promise to give you the tools you need to better evaluate your relationship. What you choose to do with it is entirely up to you. Whether or not you two decide to get a divorce isn't my decision. My job is to rip open old wounds and to help you heal them in order to bring you both peace and closure. As long as you both give equal honesty and participation, there's no reason this session shouldn't be successful. Does this ease your conscience?"

"A little."

"Alright then. Let's get started." Mrs Suzuki brought out her pen and clipboard and put on her most serious expression. Irie and Kotoko glanced at each other with nervous looks, knowing this process wouldn't be easy.

"First off, I would like each of you to explain what you believe the main issue in your relationship is. You may begin, Mrs. Irie."

Kotoko closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "The main issue is that Irie doesn't know how to be a husband."

Irie rolled his eyes, "Oh, what a load of-"

"Ah, Mr. Irie. It is not your time to speak yet. Allow your wife to finish what she has to say."

"As I was saying, we've had our issues way before our marriage began. He treats me like a door mat instead of an equal. When were together, sometimes I wonder if he even knows I exist. It's like he's looking through me instead of at me. It breaks my heart to feel like our marriage may have been a mistake."

"You think our marriage was a mistake?"

"How else am I supposed to feel, Irie? You never even take the time to look at me, let alone love me."

"Okay, this is good. We're getting somewhere. Mr. Irie, it's your turn. What do you think the issue in your relationship is?"

"Our marriage is fine. Look, I haven't always been the perfect husband. But I never abandoned our marriage. No matter how difficult things got, I never tried to find comfort in someone else. She left home, she took off her ring, and she's seeing somebody else. Why am I the bad guy in all this?"

"I never would've done all that if you hadn't been so cruel to me."

"Then why are you still here?"

"Because I'm an idiot, okay? I'm a complete idiot that's been in love with you since high school. But if I had known what kind of a husband you'd turn out to be, I probably would've burned that letter."

"Letter?"

"Five years ago, I confessed my love for Irie while giving him a letter. Instead of accepting it, he rejected and humiliated me in front of our entire school. After that things got complicated and we ended up living under the same roof."

"How did that happen?"

"My house was destroyed and my father happened to be a childhood friend of Irie's father."

"I see. And how did that make you feel, Mr. Irie? Was it awkward being forced to see Kotoko after the incident at school?"

"I hated it. I couldn't stand being under the same roof as her. She was needy and clingy and I couldn't stand how absent minded she was."

Kotoko sat there with tears in her eyes as she relived those painful memories.

"Hmmm… strange. If you despised her so much, why did you propose to her?"

"Well… honestly she wore me down. After being in close quarters for so long, I got to see a different side to her. There was so much more than her stupid and clumsy antics." Kotoko perked up at this.

"Like what?"

"I first started to notice her when she saved my little brother's life at the pool. She's courageous and fearless. Even though she was in class F without a hope of ever passing, she studied day and night and made it into college. I admire how driven she is when she sets her mind to something. What I love most is her compassion, I think. I wasn't sure what to do with my life once college ended. I had a dream to become a doctor and my father's dream of me taking over the family business. Kotoko encouraged me to pursue my dreams when no one else would. I wouldn't be where I am if it wasn't for her. I knew I was falling in love with her when the little things started getting to me. Like her laugh or the way she used to blush when we were close or the way she enjoyed teasing me."

Kotoko began to tear up for an entirely different reason, "Oh, Irie."

"I see. Mrs. Irie, what was it that allowed you to fall in love with your husband?"

"What's not to love? When I first saw him, I knew he was the one. I couldn't get him out of my head. He was so handsome and intelligent. I'll admit looking back, it was more of an obsessive crush. I thought we'd never speak again until my home was destroyed. It certainly wasn't easy being under the same roof. Irie can be quite difficult and cold. I wanted him to see me as more than just a bumbling idiot with a crush. Things got complicated when we started seeing other people. When he started dating a girl named Christine Robbins, I decided to start dating a friend of mine in order to get over him. We both nearly married entirely different people. Ironically enough, those two ended up together. They're very happy in their lives now."

"And this Christine Robbins, did you have romantic feelings for her Mr. Irie?"

"Well, no. In all honesty, it was just an arranged marriage for the family business."

"So why did you end it?"

"I found out Kinn proposed to Kotoko. I couldn't let that happen. It forced me to realize Kotoko was the only one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I went to meet meet her at a train station and we kissed. I proposed shortly after and the rest is history."

"It seems that jealousy and insecurities often dictated the decisions you two make in your relationship."

"Excuse me?" They both said in unison.

"It's not uncommon. Jealousy can be quite a strong motivator, although it shouldn't dictate a relationship. If you had never dated Christine Robbins, Kotoko never would have started dating Kinn. Had she remained available, it's uncertain if you would've broken off your engagement. It was because of your jealousy and possessive nature that you decided to take a stand and listen to your own emotions. And it's clear that you weren't as attentive to your marriage until this alleged affair between Kotoko and this other man began. Has it ever occurred to you, Mr. Irie, that your marriage has suffered due to your lack of emotional intelligence?"

Irie sat there in silence, contemplating her words. She was right. His jealousy is what brought their relationship together and it's what's been tearing them apart ever since Keita arrived.

"I think that's enough for one day. I see we have much more to discuss. Please allow yourselves some time and space apart to contemplate what has been discussed today. See you both in a few days."


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17: Safety Net

Kotoko and Irie parted ways after the appointment. On her way home, Kotoko contemplated everything Dr. Suzuki said. She'd never realized how much jealousy had fueled their relationship. She'd always believed she was the one with the insecurity issues. But in reality, Irie's insecurity seemed to run much deeper than her own. Why was that? Before Keita, Irie had nothing to fear from their relationship. She was kind, loyal, compassionate, and never could've imagined her life without him. An even darker question started to form in her mind. Is this what love is supposed to be like? Was it messy and uncertain and filled with jealousy? That was never what she was raised to believe. Love was supposed to be kind and patient, wasn't it? These thoughts continued to plague Kotoko's mind all the way home.

Irie wasn't doing any better on his own walk. Lack of emotional intelligence? He'd never imagined himself "lacking" in anything up until now. He was good at everything he tried… at least on an intellectual and academic level. Before Kotoko, he never needed to be emotional. Ever since his childhood, it was difficult for him to feel anything. Silly emotions were beneath someone like him. And yet here he was, being judged for never fully mastering them. Whether or not Kotoko knew, he was in love with her. He never thought it would be possible to love anyone before they met. His jealousy created their relationship and now it was tearing them apart at the seams. What the hell was he supposed to do?

 _(Later that day)_

Kotoko stood at the window staring into the stormy weather. It gave her flashbacks of the night Irie proposed. Things were simple then. She'd believed that was the end of their story. After all, when a princess marries her prince they're supposed to live happily ever after right? But that only happens in fairy tales. They never tell you what happens next. They never mention the unavoidable obstacles needed to either strengthen or destroy a marriage. She'd made a vow to love Irie for better or for worse but she hadn't prepared for the worst. Sometimes she wished she could just crack open her husband's skull and look inside to see what was in it. What was he thinking when they were alone together? How was he feeling? She'd give anything to know. Unfortunately, she may have to live with the fact he was truly an enigma, incapable of feeling love or happiness or joy. Though she couldn't fully accept that. Not just yet. She made a commitment to the counseling and she intended to see it through. All she could do was hope it was making some kind of impression on her husband.

Suddenly she was startled by her phone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Keita."

"Oh… hi Keita. What's up?"

"You haven't called all day. I was starting to worry."

"Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm sorry."

"Kotoko? Are you okay? Whatever it is you can tell me."

She wanted to tell him everything. She wanted to have him come over and hold her while she cried as he always did but it just felt cruel. Counseling was putting more of a rift between her and Keita than she had previously thought. Although she cared for him, she knew it was only a matter of time before they needed to discuss their relationship. She was starting to wonder why she began this little affair in the first place and whether it had started for the right reasons.

"I'm fine, Keita. I just need some time alone right now."

"Do you want me to come over? It's a little gloomy but I can make the drive."

"No, Keita. Thanks, I just really want to be by myself."

"Oh… okay."

"I'll see you tomorrow." Kotoko hung up the phone without allowing him to say another word.

 _(The next day)_

Keita walked into the cafeteria looking for Kotoko, ready to confront her for her strange behavior these past couple of days. He spotted her at their usual spot.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Kotoko, what's been going on? I want the truth."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, come on. Don't do that. You know things haven't been the same since the graduation. Ever since, I've felt this shift between us, like you're drifting further and further away from me."

Kotoko stood silent.

"Look, I didn't come looking for a fight okay? Let's just forget it and go out tonight. Just you and me. I know things have been a little complicated since you went over to the Irie's house. Maybe I can cheer you up."

Kotoko wasn't sure what to say. It probably wasn't the smartest thing to go on a date with Keita when she was clearly growing apart from him. However, she didn't want him to feel rejected. She couldn't deny how much she cared for him, even if he might not be the one for her. A night out might do her some good.

"Okay."

"Great! I'll take you somewhere great! I promise." Keita gave her a light peck on the check before walking away to his next clinical.

That's when Kotoko noticed her husband watching her from afar. She quickly got up from her seat and walked away.

The day was passing quickly enough. Kotoko did everything she could to avoid any contact with Irie. She didn't want to go through another altercation over Keita. What she did on her own time was none of his business anyway. She was walking toward the restroom when Irie came up from behind her.

"We need to talk."

"No, we don't. Especially not here."

"What the hell was that in the cafeteria?"

"None of your business."

"Are you kidding? Kotoko, we're supposed to be working things out. We're in counseling and your out here flirting with another guy as if you've already signed the papers. Does Keita even know about our sessions?"

Kotoko stopped in her tracks and hung her head down in shame.

"I knew it. Are you out of your mind? Eventually you have to tell him. You know that, right?"

"I will! It's just not the right time."

"It never seems to be the right time."

"What do you want from me, Irie?"

"I want Keita gone."

"That's not happening."

"Why? So you can have him as a back up in case this doesn't work out? Face it, Kotoko. You're not even sure whether or not you like him. You're just using him as a safety net."

Kotoko knew what he was saying made sense but what could she do? She wasn't ready to tell Keita the truth. Besides, why should she be the one to back down? She shouldn't be expected to give up her best friend because of Irie's insecurities.

"People are starting to stare. We'll talk about this later." Kotoko walked away, leaving her husband behind.

 **Author's Notes: Hi, everyone! My final exams are officially over and I'm very excited to get some well needed rest. Let me know what you guys are thinking. Do you think Keita is the one for Kotoko or do you think she's using him as a safety net? Do you think it's okay for her to keep the counseling session a secret from him? Hope you enjoyed!**


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18: Pity Dates and Second Sessions

Keita decided to take Kotoko out to a romantic dinner. Kotoko was impressed by how hard Keita was trying to make the night as perfect as possible. The meal was delicious, romantic music hung in the air, and the candles were an especially nice touch.

"You look perfect."

She blushed slightly, "Thank you, Keita. I can't believe you brought me here! What's the special occasion?"

"Does it have to be a special occasion for me to treat you right? I did this because I wanted to."

Kotoko smiled up at him with tears in her eyes. The night should've felt perfect but her husband's words filled her thoughts like a plague. _Safety net._ Is that all Keita was to her? A back up in case Irie ever left her? She hardly found that fair. Keita didn't deserve to be a second choice or an option. She wanted him to find someone who would treat him with the respect and love he deserved. She wasn't so sure she could ever give Keita everything. She'd given her heart away long ago and doubted that she would ever get it back.

"Kotoko?"

She looked up, "Yes?"

"I brought you something." He presented the same black box he had previously used for his failed proposal.

"Oh, Keita. We've talked about this."

"No, no! It's not what you think." He opened it to reveal the same beautiful ring attached to a silver chain.

"I know you said you weren't ready but I didn't want to just throw it away. I want it to mean something. I want it to symbolize our relationship. Even if it's ill-defined, I want it to at least acknowledge that we have one."

Kotoko looked down at the ring. It was truly magnificent. What's the harm? It meant a lot to him and it wasn't like she had to wear it on display.

"Okay, Keita. I'll wear it." She gently tied the silver chain around her neck. However, instead of leaving it out for everyone to see, she hid it underneath her shirt, blatantly tarnishing the meaning Keita had wanted it to have. Keita's head fell slightly but decided not to comment on it. At least she was wearing it…

After their meal, Keita took her home. Neither of them spoke the entire trip. Somehow, they both knew talking would only make the situation worse.

 _(The next morning- Second Session)_

Kotoko and Irie waited for their turn at the counseling office. Kotoko knew today would be difficult. She hated talking about Keita with Irie. It always led to a fight she knew neither of them would win. If she holds on to Keita, Irie will never let her forget what happened between them. If she lets go of Keita, she loses the one supporter she has. She'll be left to face her chaotic marriage alone.

"Mr. and Mrs. Irie!" They walked inside dreading the inevitable argument about to take place.

Mrs. Suzuki stared intently at the couple, clearly sensing the strain between them. "So, Mrs. Irie, today I would like to delve into the issue of infidelity. Tell me a little bit about Keita. How did you two meet? How did this affair begin?"

"We met when I decided to start working at the same hospital as Irie. He was one of the first friends I made. There wasn't any attraction at first. I never saw Keita that way until the night me and Irie got into a huge argument over him being neglectful."

Irie scoffed.

"I'd appreciate a little less sound effect, Mr. Irie. Continue, Mrs. Irie. Tell me about this fight. How did it start?"

"Irie had been acting strange for a few days. He flat out ignored me every time I made an effort to speak to him. That night, I had every intention of working things out with him. I wanted to spend the weekend with him and he refused, I couldn't help myself. Something in me snapped and I went into a rage. I left that night and decided Keita was the only person I could really turn to."

"Most couples assume that infidelity is all about sexual attraction. However, that isn't always the case. Most of the time affairs begin with an emotional connection. You don't strike me as a woman who is sexually frustrated or is on the prowl looking for the attention of random men. When your affair began with Keita, what emotional need was he able to fulfill that your husband could not?"

"He gave me love and a feeling of stability. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the world. When I'm with Irie, I don't feel that emotional intimacy. Keita is my best friend. I don't think it's fair of my husband to expect me to just cut him out of my life."

Irie couldn't believe what he was hearing, "That guy destroyed our marriage. It's completely fair of me to have that expectation. She's just using him as an emotional crutch. If he stays, how do I know nothing will ever happen between them again?"

"You don't. You can't predict from one moment to the next how your marriage will turn out. A marriage demands trust and mutual respect, which is something you both seem to lack."

Kotoko and Irie fell into a deep silence. Neither of them had anything else to say. If they couldn't even achieve the basics, how were they ever going to get over their more complex issues?

"If I were to allow Keita out of my life, what happens to me? Irie can't guarantee that our life together will work out. He has nothing to lose. If he decides to end our marriage, I'll have nothing. He'll go off and marry someone perfect. I'll never be enough for anyone else."

"Interesting. It seems that this affair has been motivated by your lack of faith in this marriage. You constantly felt like you'd never be enough for your husband and you can't comprehend why he decided to marry you in the first place. Out of your uncontrollable fear of instability, you set out to find something that would make you feel worthy of love and affection. Do you believe that you are in love with this other man?"

Kotoko wasn't sure what to say. Was she in love with Keita? She doubted it. He was the first man who had ever made her feel safe and desirable, so she was immediately drawn to him. But that didn't necessarily mean she loved him.

"No. I don't think I do."

"So let's say none of this works out. You realize Keita isn't the one for you and your marriage crumbles. What's next for you? Do you feel like you would have any other options?"

Kotoko hadn't really considered that. She'd always figured in the end she would probably have to choose between the two. Who else would ever be interested in someone like her?

"Um, well I haven't really thought about that. But I probably wouldn't have many other options. I'm not intelligent or beautiful or rich. I'm not sure what the future would hold for me."

It almost hurt Irie to hear Kotoko talk about herself this way. He knew his wife was an insecure woman but she talked about herself so negatively in such a matter-of-fact manner. Didn't she know how amazing she was? Then again, he couldn't remember the last time he had complimented her at all…

"And what about you, Mr. Irie? What do you think the future would hold for you without your wife?"

"Why would I even want to answer that?"

"It's not a complicated question. Why so defensive?"

"Because it's a stupid question. I don't want to think about my life without Kotoko. That's why I'm here. Aren't we getting a little off topic? This is about an affair, not our futures apart from each other."

"Well, seeing the kind of toxic and co-dependence you two seem to have on each other may also play a huge factor in divorce."

"Co-dependency?" The couple said in unison.

"Well, I see this issue in both of you. Mrs. Irie, your co-dependency stems from your inability to gain self-confidence. You cling to your husband because you thought he was the only thing you could ever have. When it wasn't all you dreamed it would be, you met Keita. He's charming and handsome and someone you thought would never be interested in you. You're afraid of losing the only two options you have in this world. And Mr. Irie, I believe this affair has you quite frazzled because you're beginning to realize your wife may have more options than you previously thought. You're used to being the more dominant. You've always felt secure and in control when it comes to your wife. When you saw that being threatened, you went into an emotionally defensive state which was your way of gaining some kind of control in your relationship. Unfortunately, the plan backfired, causing your wife to run into the arms of someone who can give her a better option."

The couple stood in shocked silence. The mystery of the affair had just been solved. Kotoko felt so ashamed. All this time, she believed she was falling in love with Keita but in reality she was only using him as an alternative option. It was wrong and she couldn't help the sick feeling in her stomach as she contemplated how she was ever going to tell him the truth. Irie wasn't having an easier time. Co-dependency? Control? Did his ego really stretch that far? It made sense. Before Keita came into the picture, Irie couldn't even fathom the thought of Kotoko leaving him. She was weak and too attached to him to go anywhere. It made his stomach turn thinking about how his blinded jealousy and egotistical nature had completely demolished his marriage. How could he let this happen?

Mrs. Suzuki smiled in her triumph. She'd broken a barrier. She found the root of the issue. However, it was difficult to see how this formation was being taken in. Are they mature enough to deal with their individual issues to become stronger as one? Or will they continue to play off of one another's flaws for the rest of their lives?

"I think that's enough for today. Let's take a break and come back together in a few days. I see you both have a lot to think about. See you soon."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19: Growth and Heartbreak

 **Author's Notes: Hi, everyone! Sorry for the long break. It's been nice spending time with my friends and family. It's been a very pleasant distraction. But I'm back and very excited to continue on with this story! As always, feel free to give some feedback and let me know what you guys are thinking. This chapter took me a lot of time and effort and I hope you all enjoy!**

Kotoko and Irie walked out of the counseling session together. They never really spoke after sessions. They normally parted ways without another word but Irie felt the need to say something. He agreed to counseling for a reason. He knew he had a lot apologize for. Maybe it was time to open up and voice it.

"I'm sorry."

Kotoko looked up at her husband in shock. She'd never heard a sincere apology from him before. His facial expression was serious and unwavering. He wasn't being sarcastic or demeaning in any way.

"What?"

"I'm sorry for the way I've treated you this past year. You don't deserve to feel like you're not enough for me. I know you didn't get that idea on your own. I should've listened to you more. I should've made more of an effort to show you how much you mean to me."

Kotoko looked at her husband with tears in her eyes. It was the first apology he'd ever given to her. For the first time in their marriage, he was finally acknowledging the flaws in their relationship and making an effort to apologize for them.

"I'm sorry I left you for Keita. I was so caught up in my own insecurities, I didn't think about the effect it would have on you and Mother. I love you so much, Irie. But Dr. Suzuki has a point. I shouldn't be with someone because I'm afraid of being alone. I need to gain some self-confidence if we're ever going to fix this marriage."

Irie looked at his wife, astonished at her new sense of self awareness and maturity. It was a remarkable thing watching her grow, watching the both of them change and grow together. But then that's the hard part. It's hard to grow without growing apart, and it's difficult to change without scaring away the other person. Neither of them would be the same at the end of this experience. Would they still be able the love the person they ended up with?

Irie knew he could never let her go. She was the only one. He wasn't sure he'd be able to move on without her. He was a fool to believe she would put up with his indifferent attitude forever. Change was inevitable, whether he was ready for it or not.

He then wanted nothing more than to hold her in his arms. Irie wasn't sure what the future held for the both of them, but she was here now. All he could do was hold on and be grateful she was still here. Irie wrapped his arms around his wife in a loving embrace. He held her so tight, as if he was afraid she could disappear at any moment. "I love you, Kotoko."

Kotoko felt overwhelmed with emotion as her husband held her. She couldn't deny that she loved him but something deep within was holding her back. She was terrified of the unknown. She wasn't the weak and soft-spoken girl she used to be and she wondered if that was something her husband could grow accustomed to. Tears welled up in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around her husband, relishing in a moment they might never have again. "I love you, Irie."

 _(Flash Forward-Next Morning)_

Kotoko woke the next morning feeling overwhelmed and nervous for the day to come she was planning on inviting Keita to her house that night to admit everything. She couldn't do this to him anymore. She wasn't sure if her and Irie could work out their marriage. Even if they couldn't, she refused to use Keita as a back-up. He was a good man and he deserved to be with someone who can fully appreciate him.

She shook off her nerves and got out of bed to get ready for the day. As she brushed out her hair, she glanced at herself in the mirror. The necklace still hung around her neck, as a shiny constant reminder of her guilt. She took a deep breath and walked out the door, anxious for the day to come.

The walk to the hospital was complete torture as she contemplated what to say in her head. What she was most afraid of was his reaction. Would he yell? Would he curse at her? Would he get physical? No. Kotoko couldn't imagine Keita harming her in any way. He was a good man. All she could do was hope he would take the rejection gently. She walked into the hospital and spotted him at their first practical. He looked serious and ready for another day's work. Kotoko couldn't help but smile. No matter what happened, she hoped they could still remain friends. She couldn't deny how much she adored him. He was kind, intelligent, and sweet. He's one of the few people she genuinely trusted. She walked over to him and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Hi, Keita."

Keita looked a little startled at the sudden greeting, but he quickly smiled and greeted her as well. "Kotoko! Wow, you look amazing. Come sit."

Kotoko sat beside her friend, shooting him a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing! Everything's great."

Keita wasn't sure what was going on. But he was determined to figure it out.

"Look, Kotoko- things just seem… off between us. You act like you're not even here half the time."

"I'm with you all the time, Keita."

"That's not what I mean. You're not here with me, you seem far away all the time. What's going on? Is it Irie?"

There it was. A direct question with a not so direct answer. Kotoko took a deep breath and-

"Alright, everyone! Take your seats. Time to begin." The professor announced the beginning of the practical.

Kotoko breathed out in relief as she didn't want to have this talk in front of her peers at the hospital. The incident had been embarrassing enough.

"Keita, let's talk about this later, okay? Come over tonight and I promise I'll tell you everything."

Keita sighed in irritation. It wasn't like Kotoko to be so secretive. What was she hiding? Millions of terrible things swirled in head. Most involving Irie. Has she been sleeping with him behind his back? Has their relationship been a complete joke to her? Keita shook off these thoughts as quick as they started. Kotoko loves him. She'd never do anything to hurt him.

"Okay."

 _(Flash Forward-Later that night)_

Kotoko was practically shaking as she was working on preparing dinner for her and Keita. She wanted tonight to go as smoothly as possible. She was struggling to come up with what to say in her head but it all sounded completely wrong. What the hell was a nice way of saying, _"Hey, I know you love me, but I'm only using you as a back-up in case my marriage falls apart."_ She felt despicable. The optimist in her was ensuring her that she was doing the right thing and that Keita would understand. However, the realist in her was reprimanding her for leading Keita on for so long and reminding her this may be the last time they ever speak to each other. She was well aware that this meeting may go horribly wrong. Keita had every right to be angry and if he chose not to forgive her, that's just something she would have to accept. Kotoko took a deep breath to gather her thoughts when she heard a knock at the door. She shook off her nerves and ran to open it.

There stood Keita looking handsome as ever with a bottle of wine and flowers in hand. He'd been dreading this all afternoon but decided to look at the situation with an optimistic prospective. He loved Kotoko and wanted to be happy. That was all that mattered.

"Hey."

"Hey! Come in, come in. It's freezing outside."

Keita stepped inside, pleasantly surprised to find a whole banquet spread out on the dinner table.

"Wow, Kotoko. This is amazing!"

"Oh! Um, thanks. You work so hard to go out of your way to get me everything I want. I just wanted to return the favor." Kotoko blushed lightly.

Keita walked over to her and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek. "It's perfect. Thank you."

"Um… yeah. So, let's eat!"

The dinner dragged on as Kotoko made an effort to keep the conversation as far from the break up as possible. She knew it had to be done but she just couldn't do it. She knew how much she would miss nights like this. Nights where they could just laugh and feel comfortable in each other's presence. She just wanted to feel it for just a little longer. By the end of the dinner, it was clear Keita wanted to stay on track with what needed to be discussed.

"Kotoko… I really think we need to talk about-"

"Right! Yes, about earlier. Can you just do me a huge favor and give me a second? I need to use the restroom. I'll be right back."

Keita sighed in irritation. He couldn't stand how childish Kotoko was being. In that moment, her phone she'd left behind at the dinner table began to vibrate. There was a voicemail labeled as _Counser's Office_. Counseling? Kotoko didn't go to counseling. He looked over his shoulder to make sure she was still in the restroom. Against his better judgment, he decided to listen to the message.

 _Hi, Mrs. Irie. This is Dr. Suzuki. I'm calling in regards to our counseling session this Wednesday. I can't make it to our usual time due to a personal matter. However, I can still make room if you're willing to make time later in the day. Let me know if this can work for you. I will also be notifying your husband so we can figure out a better schedule. Sorry for the inconvenience._

Keita felt like someone had just jammed a knife through his heart. He'd never felt so betrayed in all his life. How could she do this to him? All this time, he thought he was the only one. Only… he wasn't. He felt like such a fool. He'd been an idiot to believe he was the only one when he'd known she was married from the beginning. When you touch fire, you get burned. And that's exactly what just happened. He stood up from his seat and left, slamming the door behind him.

Kotoko heard the noise from the restroom and went to investigate.

"Keita?"

She walked over to the dining table to find her phone flipped open. She was absolutely horrified to discover that a voicemail from the counselor's office had just been listened to in its entirety.

"No, no, no, no, no!" She quickly ran outside to spot Keita slamming his car door shut. She ran to the driver's side window and tapped on the glass.

"Keita? Keita, I am so sorry. Please let me explain."

He refused to look in her direction as he began to pull out of the driveway. However, Kotoko refused to back down as she made her way to the end of the driveway to block his path. Keita rolled down his window.

"Kotoko, get out of the way."

"No! Keita, I'm sorry. You have to give me a chance to let me explain."

"Explain that you've been seeing Irie behind my back? I don't think there's any explanation in the world that can make up for you not telling me. Was I just a joke to you this whole time?"

"Keita, please. You're my best friend. I didn't want to lose you."

"Oh, please. Lets just fucking face it and call it what it is. You've been stringing me along as a second option since the day we met. Don't try to deny it."

Kotoko fell silent. It was the truth. They both knew it. She never wanted things to end this way. She did love him, just not in the way he wanted.

"God, I'm such an idiot. Have you been fucking him this whole time too?"

Kotoko's eyes began to water as she once again stayed in silence. She was hoping he'd never have to find out about that night but there was no point in hiding it now. She refused to lie or keep him in the dark any longer.

Keita began to laugh. However, there was no humor in in. "Wow, guess you really had me played for a fool, didn't you? Get out of my way, Kotoko."

She knew standing in that driveway any longer would only make things worse. She reluctantly stepped aside and allowed him to leave. Once she was gone, she fell to her knees in heartbreak and placed her head in her hands as she cried. The night couldn't have gone any worse. She'd lost her best friend because of her own cruelty. How could she be so foolish?


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20: Reconnecting

The next day felt incredibly lonely for Kotoko. Keita hadn't shown up at all and it was difficult to keep her emotions in check. She remained quiet for the most of the day. She didn't want to talk to anyone in fear of more rumors. She couldn't take the whispering anymore. It wasn't anyone's business. However, her miserable and silent state only fueled the fire to the gossip.

Kotoko sat at the back of her practical alone as she heard more and more whispers. _I bet she kicked Keita to the curb. Did you hear about that married girl? I hear she loves hopping from guy to guy. I hear she's been crying all day over her little boy toy. Kamogari?_ Suddenly Kotoko stood up, slammed her textbooks onto the table, and left leaving the entire room silent. Once lunch began, she decided to sit at her usual spot alone.

Motoko, Marina, and Tomoko watched her from a distance.

Tomoko was the first to speak, "Poor Kotoko. She must feel so lonely right now. Can you believe all the rumors going around the hospital? They just get more and more ridiculous. Kotoko isn't a bad wife, or a cheater, or a liar. The things that people say to get a little excitement and attention amazes me."

Marina shook her head, "I wouldn't be so sure. I told you guys something was up between those two. I'm not saying all the rumors are true. I'm just saying that rumors start for a reason. They don't just come from nothing. Besides, didn't you see that fight a couple of weeks ago? Something's definitely going on."

Motoko looked at Kotoko with pity in her eyes, "We should go over there."

Marina looked at her in shock, "Have you lost your mind? That girl hasn't spoken to us in weeks. We practically became non-existent when she started her little affair. Why should we risk our reputations for someone like that.?"

Motoko couldn't believe how selfish Marina was being. She stood up from her seat with her tray of food in hand. "You know what? If rumors and the opinions of others means more to you than friendship, just stay here. Kotoko's our friend and she needs us. All I know is, she was there for me when I was heartbroken. People make mistakes. It's our job to understand that and be there for her." She left in a huff, determined to be there for her friend.

Marina looked at Tomoko for some support when she began to shake her head. "I'm with Motoko on this. She needs us, Marina. We should be there for her."

Marina watched her friends as they walked away from her. She rolled her eyes and begrudgingly stood up from her seat as well. No point fighting against something so childish. They were right. Kotoko had never mistreated them in any way. The opinions of others didn't matter.

All three girls sat around Kotoko at her table, which received quite a few stares from the other students. Kotoko looked at them confused. "What are you guys doing here?"

Motoko gave her a kind smile and took ahold of her hand. "We thought you could use some company."

Kotoko looked up at her friends with tears in her eyes. She hadn't spoken to them in weeks and the fact that they chose to stand by her side meant more to her than anything in the world. She immediately decided to tell them everything. It felt so good to let it all out. She didn't need to lie or hide anything anymore. She could be herself without judgement. The three girls sat there for quite a while, listening to Kotoko's heartbreaking story.

After everything was said, her three friends looked at her in utter disbelief. "Wow, that's quite a story." Tomoko stated.

Kotoko hung her head down in shame, "Yeah. Tell me about it. I lost my best friend and I don't even know what's going to happen between me and Irie at this point. You guys have no idea how hard it's been keeping this all inside.

Motoko could tell how devastated over losing Keita. She wished she had all the answers but she didn't know what to make of his outburst the night before. He was a sweet guy but he could be so damn stubborn and emotional. "I wouldn't worry about it too much, Kotoko. Keita loves you and I'm sure he'll get over this eventually."

"How do you know?"

"Well, I don't. But I know what I've seen. He adores you. Before you two met, I'd never seen Keita so happy. You're his best friend and all you can do is wait for him to come around. And if he doesn't, you'll have us. You don't need to feel alone. We're all here for you."

Marina nodded her head in agreement while Tomoko gave her a reassuring smile.

"Thanks, guys."

Irie watched the scene from afar. He wasn't sure what was going on with Kotoko. She'd been miserable and gloomy all day. It was hard not to notice Keita's sudden absence as well. It was obvious the two were connected. He'd thought about walking up to her nut she didn't seem in a talkative mood. He didn't want to make another scene and risk getting into another argument. He was glad Kotoko was reconnecting with her friends again. She was probably beginning to feel like Keita was the only person in the world she could speak to. However, there were so many people who loved and cared about her. Hopefully having her friends around her again will help her realize that.

 _(Later that day -Kotoko POV)_

Kotoko was deep in thought as she stared out her window. She was happy to have the support of her friends again. It was a challenge feeling like you only had one friend in the world. Still, it was difficult knowing whatever relationship she may have had with Keita was over. She knew she'd never forget that look on his face. That look of pure rage and devastation when he realized what her betrayal meant for the both of them. It meant putting the meaning of their entire relationship into question. What should she do now? Take it all back? Tell Keita she was in love with him? Get on her knees and beg for forgiveness? In all honesty, she was tired of apologizing. She knew what she did was wrong but in reality, Keita always knew she was married. He always knew she had her doubts and reservations when it came to their little flirtation. She loved him but it always felt unnatural and forced when they tried to be a couple. There was always someone else in the back of her mind. She just wanted to be honest and she lost everything for it. No matter how much he hated her, she still wished him nothing but the best. And if they were ever to see each other again, living their new lives, she'll smile at him with joy. She wiped away the remaining tears left in her eyes and began to wonder what the future had in store. She was unsure if her marriage to Irie would ever work out. She had little faith in their relationship and it was becoming clear that her husband's possessive and egotistical nature wasn't helping the situation. Someone like her shouldn't be in love. In fact, someone like her couldn't be in love. How could she love anyone if she couldn't even love herself? She wondered if she would ever feel "enough" to be with anyone. Maybe a life on her own wouldn't be such a bad thing…

 _(Keita's POV)_

Keita was going through his own process. He was grateful for the day off he decided to take. He didn't think he had it in him to see Kotoko. Not after the night before. He laid in bed contemplating these past few months they'd had together. They had been some of the best months of his life. He couldn't deny that. He loved her. But the thought of her betrayal almost made him want to gag. What the hell does that pompous asshole have that he doesn't? He was just as intelligent and capable. He wasn't a vain man but he knew he was just as attractive and likeable. So what was it? It was difficult to find the true source of his anger. What hurt the most? The fact that Kotoko lied? The fact that she was married in the first place? His own damned luck that Irie met her first? Or was he angry for allowing himself to fall in love with a married woman? He'd never felt this way before. Every part of his body hurt. He didn't want to face Kotoko. He didn't want to do anything. He just wanted to be alone with his own miserable thoughts. Heartbreak has a tendency to change people. It can tear people down and make them bitter. Keita sighed in annoyance, turned to his side, and closed his eyes in a begrudging attempt to fall asleep.

 **Author's Notes: Hi, everyone! So I wanted to do something a little different with this chapter. I thought it might be fun to bring back Kotoko's friends at the hospital. And it just felt appropriate with Kotoko's situation. Everyone can use a friend. I also felt it was important to give you a little more perspective on how Kotoko and Keita were taking in their situation. Obviously Keita is really having a hard time emotionally. Let me know what you guys are thinking! Are you liking Kotoko's character development? Do you think Keita will eventually forgive her? Do you think Kotoko and Irie are better off apart? As always, hope you enjoyed!**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21: Love Hurts and Strange Methods

Keita was having a difficult time getting out of bed. He thought he'd feel better after some rest. Unfortunately, it seems to have taken the opposite effect. He felt tired, frustrated, irritable. He began to wonder if returning to the hospital was such a good idea. Unfortunately, he knew staying home wasn't a viable option. He had bills to pay, an education to achieve, and a lot of moving on to do. Why the hell was life so unfair? He threw off his blankets and got ready for the day.

He glanced at his phone once again with an expectant expression. Though he'd never admit it, it alarmed him slightly that Kotoko hadn't reached out to him yet. No apology or wellness check. Just dead silence. It almost irritated him that she wasn't more concerned about his well- being. Didn't she break his heart two days ago? Wasn't he her best friend?

He shook off the childish thoughts as quick as they came. What the hell was wrong with him? Who cares if Kotoko wasn't speaking to him? It was a good thing, really. Who needs her? He had plenty of friends of his own. He didn't need her to be fulfilled or happy. She'd figure that out soon enough. Keita arrived at the hospital, determined to make it through the day. However, it was much easier said than done when he saw her…

Kotoko sat waiting for her friends at her first practical alone. She was almost tempted to sit at her usual spot, just in case Keita had a change of heart. But she didn't want to seem desperate or foolish. She's probably the last person Keita wants to see. Why stir up trouble? She glanced down at her notes when the door suddenly slammed shut. It startled everyone for a moment but they quickly went on with what they were doing.

Keita sat beside the door, attempting to calm himself. He felt like an idiot. What made him think he could do this?

"Keita?"

He looked up to see Motoko, Marina and Tomoko looking down at him with concerned expressions.

He gave them a stubborn look and looked away from them, "I'm fine."

Motoko hadn't expected to see Keita that day. She sighed and decided to take pity on him, "Why don't you guys go inside? I'll be there in a minute."

Marina and Tomoko nodded and went in to meet with Kotoko. Motoko sat beside Keita and stood silent.

"You don't need to be here."

"I know."

"So why are you here?"

"Kotoko isn't my only friend."

Keita nodded in acknowledgement.

"Kotoko told us what happened."

Keita let out a chuckle, "Of course she did."

"Look, I get it, okay? You're upset. But let's be honest here. This is 90% your fault."

"What?"

"A married woman? Come on, Keita. I think deep down we both knew this wasn't going to have a happy ending."

Keita gave an exasperated sigh, "I love her." There was no emotion in the way he said it. It was a simple fact. They both knew it. However, there was nothing that could be done now.

"I know." They sat there in silence for a while. Motoko wished she had all the answers. She tried to think of something- anything to say that might make Keita feel better. But nothing came to mind.

"So, what do I do now?"

Motoko knew what she was going to say next wouldn't be an easy thing to hear. But it was for the best. "I know that you love her. She loves you too. Maybe not in the same way, but she does. I'm not saying you have to forgive her now, but I'm sure it would mean the world to her to have some kind of conversation again… someday. Heartbreak isn't something you can shortcut. The only way out is through. And I won't lie to you, it's going to hurt. It's going to hurt a lot and things are going to feel hopeless for a while. But someday when you look back on your life with a wife and kids to call your own, this will seem like just another life lesson. I promise."

Keita couldn't help the tears that began to fall. He knew it wouldn't be easy. But God, it just hurt. Motoko hugged him for a few moments before heading inside.

Later that day, Kotoko was once again feeling nervous over today's session. Her and Irie had agreed to go to the session together instead of meeting there. They hadn't spoken much in the past few days. Irie was trying the best to give her the space she might need. At the end of the day, they promptly made their way out of the hospital, side by side.

"Are you okay?"

Kotoko wasn't sure how to answer that. "Um, yeah. I think so…"

"That doesn't sound convincing."

"What do you care anyway? Keita's clearly out of the picture. You got what you wanted."

It surprised Irie to see Kotoko so upset. He'd never seen her snap at anyone before. And it felt pretty unfair. He was doing his best to be compassionate and supportive and all she could do was snap at him for it. "What I want is for you to be happy. Sorry I cared."

Kotoko sighed, "I'm sorry. It's not your fault. I just can't believe the way things ended between us. You should've seen the way he looked at me. I just wanted to tell him the truth and it ended with a stand off in a driveway. I try to do the right thing and it just blows up in my face."

Irie was obviously confused. Kotoko never said anything about breaking off her relationship with Keita. What truth was she talking about? The truth about the sessions? The truth about her feelings toward him? Did she tell him about the night they'd shared together? All these questions swirled in his head as they continued walking toward the office. In all fairness, it wasn't any of his business. He decided not to fixate on the matter. She was right, he'd gotten what he wanted. Even if it didn't end amicably, at least it ended. He had nothing to worry about now… or so he thought.

"Mr. and Mrs. Irie! Lovely to see you again! Please, take a seat." Mrs. Suzuki was in a strangely chipper mood today and it was making Naoki slightly uncomfortable.

"So, let's jump right into it. Obviously, this whole affair is still an issue. So let's continue with-"

"That won't be necessary."

The sudden interruption took the councilor by surprise. "Mrs. Irie?"

"Keita and I had a… falling out. We're no longer seeing each other."

Mrs. Suzuki was taken aback by the news. "I see… would you like to elaborate on the subject?"

"There's not much to tell. I simply realized that I couldn't continue seeing a man I wasn't romantically interested in. I've come to realize that love and friendship are two completely different things. I shouldn't have allowed myself to become involved with another man just for the convenience. I was lonely and I needed someone to be there for me. And I allowed that to justify an affair. I'm ready to move forward and handle my romantic life with much more grace and maturity."

Naoki and Mrs. Suzuki looked at Kotoko in absolute shock. Naoki couldn't help but feel impressed. She'd come so far from being the lovestruck and naïve girl he'd originally fallen in love with. She was so much more aware and articulate and it baffled him to no end. Mrs. Suzuki was impressed with how much progress was being made in a such a short amount of time. It made her so happy to see her patient going through so much positive growth.

"Alrigh then. Excellent. Then, I suppose we're ready to move on. I'd like to focus this session around insecurity. Particularly with you, Mrs. Irie. How has your marriage effected your life?"

Kotoko was taken aback by the random question. "Well, it's effected everything. I wouldn't be who I am if it wasn't for Irie. For instance, it was because of him that I decided to begin a career in the medical field."

"I see. And what brought on this career choice."

"Well… I wanted to prove to myself that I was worthy of being Irie's wife." It sounded so pathetic to say it out loud. Back then, it seemed like such a wise and obvious decisions. Now it's just another thing to be ashamed of.

"And did it have the desired effect? Do you feel "worthy" of your own husband?"

Kotoko's eyes quickly filled with tears and she hung her head down in shame. "No."

Mrs. Suzuki turned her attention to Naoki, "Do you feel she's worthy?"

"Of course I feel that way."

"So why doesn't she?"

"How should I know?"

"Have you ever bothered to ask?"

Irie let out a frustrated sigh and turned to his wife, "Kotoko, why do you still feel this way after all this time? I've never given you a reason to believe I would be unfaithful or untrustworthy."

"Irie, you don't know."

"I don't know what?"

"You don't know what it's like to be with someone like you. Do you know what it's like to wake up every morning knowing that you aren't enough for your husband? Do you know what people say about us? What people think when we're together? Woman throw themselves at you even when I'm standing right beside you. You might not respond but that's the problem. You just stand there and smile and act friendly as if it's just an everyday occurrence. But what if I don't want to deal with that on a daily basis? What if I just want to live a normal life with a man who treats me like I'm the only one?"

"Kotoko, what do you want me to do? You knew who I was when I married you. You knew being with me meant having to go through certain… challenges. Yes, people talk. It's not like I contribute."

"It's not like you do anything in my defense either. When you say nothing, all it does is reassure me that what everyone says is true. That I'm just some blubbering idiot that got lucky. That I should spend every single day of the rest of my life thanking you for marrying me. Who wants to live like that? Who wants to spend their life feeling alone their own marriage?"

Irie was at a loss for words. He never knew Kotoko felt this strongly about his status in their marriage. It hurt to see how much his status hurt her. But what the hell could he do about it? He can't help who he is.

Mrs. Suzuki watched the broken-down woman in front of her. She needed a boost of confidence, that much was clear. And it seemed her husband needed a reality check on his inflated ego. Some time apart might do them some good.

"Mrs. Irie, do you feel that there might be someone else out there who may be better suited to your needs? Someone who can love, honor, and respect you? Do you feel worthy of love?"

Kotoko thought about it for a moment. She didn't see why she wouldn't be. Everyone deserved to fall in love. "I deserve to be happy. If my husband isn't the one for me, I'm sure that there would be someone out there who is."

Irie's didn't like where this was going. She couldn't seriously be suggesting…

"In our last session, I asked you both what your futures would hold for you if this marriage ended in divorce. Mrs. Irie, you felt that your future would turn out very lonely and bleak. And Mr. Irie, you called it a stupid question. I disagree. I think it's the perfect question. I think it's a question that deserves some answers. I have an idea. It's a little unorthodox, but I think it's going to give you both a chance to discover some things about yourselves. It's a great opportunity to really analyze and compare your relationship with others. I'm suggesting a brief separation. Take some time apart to see what's out there. Meet people, date, and have a good time. See what's waiting for you beyond marriage life. I want this to go on for about two weeks. And at the end of it, we'll come back here and discuss what you've learned."

Kotoko was intrigued by the idea. It was strange but she's certainly not a licensed marriage counselor. She clearly knew what was best. Her husband wasn't taking the idea nearly as well. He was absolutely furious and quickly took his leave.

"Irie, what!" Kotoko ran after him, confused on why he was so angry. She struggled to catch up to him as he stormed outside the front door.

"She's out of her mind if she honestly thinks we're doing this."

"What else are we supposed to do?"

"Anything else! Her job is to fix our marriage not break it even more."

Kotoko was struggling to catch up with Irie's pace. There was no reasoning with him when he was this angry. She'd had enough.

"IRIE! Take a deep breath and look at me NOW!"

He stopped dead in his tracks surprised by her sudden tone.

"Irie, our marriage is in trouble. You promised to see this through with me. If we can't get past marriage counselling, how do expect our marriage to go on?"

He didn't know what to say. The idea of going through another separation made him sick to his stomach. But he knew she was right. This was their last chance. If he threw it away now, he'd never get her back.

"Okay."


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22: Single Life

"WHAT!?" Motoko, Marina, and Tomoko were currently sitting around Kotoko in the cafeteria trying to comprehend her new status.

"So your single?" Marina inquired.

"That's what the councilor suggested." Kotoko was having a hard time accepting it herself. She'd relied on Irie and Keita for so long, she'd forgotten what being on her own felt like. She was never very good with the "dating scene".

Motoko piped up with some enthusiasm, "That's exciting! So… are you planning on dating?" The three girls looked at Kotoko in anticipation.

"Guys… I don't even know how to date. I can't even believe I got one man to be interested in me, let alone three."

"Awe, Kotoko. Don't speak so lowly of yourself. You're an amazing person! You're fun, exciting, and driven!" Tomoko tried her best to give Kotoko the confidence boost she desperately needed. She nudged Motoko to join in.

"Yeah, Kotoko! You're a catch. Any man would be so lucky to have you." They looked at Marina expectantly.

"Ummm… you're great!" Motoko rolled her eyes. Marina wasn't exactly enthusiastic when it came to support.

"Look, the point is, this is exactly what the doctor ordered. Just give it a try. What have you got to lose?" Motoko gave Kotoko a reassuring smile.

Kotoko weighed her options. Motoko was right. She had nothing to lose and everything to gain. The only downside was… Irie. It had been a very silent walk back to her apartment after they agreed to push through with the two-week separation. She really hoped Mrs. Suzuki knew what she was doing. Going through with this meant leaving their marriage entirely up to chance. But maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. They'd done pretty much everything there is to do. If their relationship was meant to last, they'll end up together. With some nervousness and newfound optimism, she'd made up her mind.

"Okay. Where do I start?" The three girls cheered with excitement. It was definitely time to show Kotoko how fun single life could be.

Irie watched the scene from afar and couldn't suppress how irritated he really was. He found this whole "experiment" to be ridiculous and outright reckless. It felt like they were right back where they'd started. As much as he tried convincing himself he wasn't worried, he was. Kotoko wasn't exactly a stranger to infidelity and now she practically had a free pass for it. And what about him? Wasn't she wondering what he'd be doing during this little separation? Not that she had anything to worry about. He found the entire situation entirely distasteful and absolutely refused to encourage it any further. Let her have her fun. Once she sees what's out there, she'll come back. She'll always come back.

"Looking a little worried there, Irie." Irie was suddenly brought out of his thoughts, as he hadn't notice Motoko leave where she was to get herself some food.

"I'm not. And just so you know, I find the fact that you're honestly encouraging this extremely inappropriate."

"Well, I find your treatment of Kotoko extremely inappropriate. Maybe we can both learn something." Motoko shrugged.

"You don't know anything about what goes on between our marriage. This is all just some fun game she's playing for now. She'll be back."

"You're always so sure of yourself, aren't you?"

"Why shouldn't I be?"

"Irie, let me make something clear. I don't condone infidelity, okay? I'm not saying what she did was right. But that in no way implies that I think you're a good husband. Kotoko needs this to gain some confidence. She's an amazing person and she deserves to be happy. Your marriage isn't my concern, just her well-being."

"Isn't that noble of you." Irie rolled his eyes.

"You know what, Irie? You don't need Keita, or the councilor, or me to destroy your marriage. Your more than capable of doing that on your own." With that Motoko left in a huff, fed up with all the snarky comments and attitude.

Irie stood there for a few seconds. Even though he'd never admit it to anyone, those words really got to him. He didn't mean to ruin every relationship he had, he was who he was. Aren't you supposed to love someone for exactly who they are? Once again feeling confused and agitated, he decided to leave early for the day. 

**Author's Notes: Hi, everyone! I'm so so so sorry for being off the radar so long. The work for a business student never ends and on top of that, my laptop was in repair for about a week. But I'm back and ready to continue! As always, please let me know what you all are thinking. I've loved all of your feedback and supportive words throughout this process! How do you see this separation going? Will Kotoko thrive and find someone special? Could Irie ultimately decide to move on? Or will absence make the heart grow fonder? Let me know! Hope you enjoyed!**


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